Linda, A Camel Testicle & The Tears Of A Virgin

Cut out sugar.
Cut out grains.
Cut out carbs.
Cut out gluten

In fact cut out ANY foods you enjoy.

No fats and carbs together.
No carbs after 6pm.
Absolutely no treats. None.

None what so ever.
DEFINITELY no foods that you enjoy because they will send your hormones spiralling out of control and you will end up three stone heavier by tomorrow morning… FACT.

Death, despair and misery must enter your life before you lose fat, gain curves and turn in to Megan Fox using shakes provided by Linda from accounts.

(Tell you about her later)
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If you’re not stressing about macros, nutrient timing and sodium intake, you are 100% not doing it right.
That’s right.

SUFFER

Suffering is where it’s at.
More misery … more fat loss… more results.
Buy organic EVERYTHING… the more money you throw at that miracle organic shiit?

The faster your results.
Make sure Everything you’re eating
(including your coconut oil)
is smothered in coconut oil.
If you’re not ‘beasting’ yourself (Whatever that means) for at least 2 hours a day in the gym, to the point of actual near death by burpees?

SHAME. ON. YOU
Have a 400-500 calorie Holy Grail breakfast shake

Shake recipe must include the tears of a 65 year old male virgin and a camel testical ..
Camel testical must be extracted from camel by said virgin.

Otherwise …
Guess what? …
No fat loss for YOU.

NON.

Sorry.

(Camel bollock will keep you satiated till lunch time)
(So would eating ACTUAL breakfast but hey- MISERY)

All kindsa camel ball misery.
And heaven forbid you should forget to take your cleansing Aloe 100% natural Jesus Juice, soul cleansing, miracle working herba-detox capsules.
(And make sure you buy them from Linda, who works in accounts, who has been at Slimming World for the past 3 years and did a 5K 1 time so she’s now an expert… Cause she 100% knows what she’s talking about)
OR




You could do non of those things.
Leave the camel balls, despair and misery to Linda, from accounts.
Eat a diet of food you actually ENJOY and just stick to the principle of an energy deficit and a flexible diet whilst losing fat and gaining curves.

Getting back your mojo and creating a body you LOVE.

Just like the women I work with.
Women just like you.

Who I soon get on the straight and narrow, with zero Camel bollocks in sight

Winner.
Which is exactly what I’m gunna teach you how to do within the next 7 days.
We start tomorrow Princess.
See ya there,
Love Char ‘Say No To Linda’ De Curtis

PS.. You wanna see summa them chicks I beez pimpin’ out?
(Disclaimer ** Not literally)

Click here to view summ’a my recent transformations

2017-01-30T14:02:52+01:00