Polishing Turds, Shampoo Orgasms and How to get the best out of your training

I’m still alive- haven’t dropped off the face of the earth or been run over or anything, half of you will be glad to know- as for the other half – Meh!
So you’ve probably noticed I haven’t been doing the typical January fitness and nutrition bombardment or the run of the mill come and buy my shit ‘cuz it’s January and everybody’s doing the ‘New Year, New Year’ bullshit… again!
Slimming down, toning up, eating green shit … Hell, I know the drill cause I used to be one of ’em.
Fact is my friend, I HATE January! I hate it with a passion … I hate January sales… I hate all the TV shows about fitness and diet … which every year I watch then get pissed off with because they are  socially unattainable and factually misleading … I hate how the gym is packed with people who disappear at the back end of Feb- don’t get me wrong I’m all for people training- Good on ya princess- but not just ‘cuz it’s january and feel like it’s the done thing.
I suppose I just hate the whole industry in January to be honest… I’ve even had to make some of my PT friends ‘aquaintences’ on Facebook because I don’t wanna see their shit. I’m sick of everyone trying to undercut everyone else, be the cheapest then posting passive aggressive stuff about how shit other trainers are JUST because it’s January and everyone freaks out- the whole industry goes fucking insane!
BTW- be wary of any trainer who calls someone else shit, there’s a reason they do it and surprise surprise it ain’t cause they’re shit compadre.
It’s all just not classy, people!!
Anyway I just HATE it
Infact, the first 20 seconds of this pretty much illustrates how I feel about all of the above.
Most of all, like I said, I hate January sales! Don’t get me wrong I love a bargain- who doesn’t- but buying a multitude of cheap crap that you have to practically rugby tackle someone’s grandma for, in a shop that resembles a jumble sale, ain’t my thing… in fact I’d go as far as to say I’d rather pay double!
Cause shopping for me is like a whole experience, I love going in to Selfridges and looking at all the pretty things and occassionally coming away with a pretty yellow bag full of makeup that subsequently leaves me living off Super Noodles for the rest of the month… but hell are my checkbones contoured.
Basically I’m not in to cheap crap because that’s exactly what it is, cheap and crap. I’m a massive believer in the whole ‘You get what you pay for’ …
And this is where it started…
So, I wanted some GHD’s for Christmas, so as you do when you’re 14, I made my mum aware that I wanted GHD hair straighteners.. GHD’s … let’s just get this straight… GHD’s
Anyway Christmas morning I eagerly opened my presents to find some hair straighteners…
‘Hair Tools’ hair straighteners …
… Not GHDs
… Hair tools.
Now I wasn’t a brat but my inner monologue’s immediate response was  ‘What the hell is this bitch playing at?’ … and before anyone hits me back an email, I’m already well aware of the starving children in Africa.
Anyway, I soon came to the conclusion that any hair straighteners were better than me and my friend Helen straightening our hair on the ironing board with an actual clothes iron, like we had been doing (true story)
Anyway after about two months my ‘Hair Tools’ broke.. so it was back to the ironing board, until I could save enough of my Woolworths wage to buy myself some GHD’s.
And sweet baby Jesus was it worth it… The whole GHD experience was just another level of  hair pampering euphoria!
Yep, as a 14 year old with a head full of LOADS of naturally wavy/ frizzy hair (Cheers to my nana Pat for that- I’m just glad I didn’t get her eyebrows!) it was like a whole new world of smoothness. I couldn’t get enough of the ‘Cause I’m Worth It’ hair whoosing. I was literally like the woman who has the shampoo orgasm on the Herbal Essences advert.
That right there was the first ever investment I made with my Woolworth’s wage.
Anyway, my first pair of GHD’s lasted me about five years until I stood on them- meh! Then I tried Cloud Nine’s (which someone else stood on – then denied it – but he did – shock, they were found underneath a mass of this persons clothes and dirty socks – which should have been put  in the wash basket – Just sayin’) ..So I went back to my trusty GHD’s.
So my point is this, if you buy cheap shit … it’s only ever gunna be cheap shit… you can’t polish a turd… but apparently you can roll it in glitter according to an instagram meme I saw recently
… but clearly, underneath it’s still a turd I’m afraid, my friend.
This same thing applies to the madness that is January, if you’re actually ready to make a change then INVEST in yourself and if you’re still feeling committed as we reach the end of January yet still feel at a loose end- Invest… I can guarentee THIS is exactly where you’re going wrong.
Basically stop being a cheapskate and expecting miracles from something that is the equivelant value of 50p.. aint gunna happen Princess.
There’s a reason why some things are more expensive than others – ’cause they’re gunna be the solution to your problem… the rest is just a cheap (yet sparkley) turd.
INVEST in something you believe in that’s going to give you some clarity on where you’ve been going wrong and why STILL after at least five ‘New Years of the New You’ trying EVERYTHING going, you’re still in the same, if not worse, frustrated, overwhelmed and desperate position.
Think about it Princess xx
P.S I have nothing to sell ‘cuz I’m full.. I have no space for new clients.. but I have a waiting list ya can jump on if you want to hit me up.
PPS. I am how ever opening up ten spaces ONLY on a new programme I’ve put together called Sink or Swim in Feb to those on my mailing list ONLY… keep you’re eyes peeled cause it’s gunna blow your frikkin mind
Love Char ‘The blower of minds’ De curtis xxxxx