Bitch Slappin’ your ego and the demise of the treadmill bitch

demise of the treadmill

So today I’m exposing THE one key factor to reaching your goal, whether that’s fat loss, specific fitness, or just adding some serious curves…. It’s something that most women I speak to get SO wrong and I can guarantee you it’s not what you think..

So many moons ago, when I used to freelance in budget gyms (eewww) there was one particular gym with this vent built in to the wall, behind the CD player and for anyone stood outside the studio I could hear absolutely EVERYTHING.

… Now, I’m not saying I accept bribes in return for keeping ‘schtum’ but I’m partial to a Krispy Kreme doughhnut… Just sayin’.

So this particular  morning, I say ‘Hi’ to two people on the treadmill outside what I call ‘The Vent of Shame’ and as I’m putting the music on in the studio I hear..

“… Yeah that instructor in there… blah blah… she always looks ‘fit’ but then never even puts any weight on her bar in class… it just goes to show …”

What a ‘Shit Sandwich’ that is, eh.

Kinda reminded me of when my maths teacher Mrs. Mallinson would mark my book at school and say

“So your working out was good, so well done… but your answers were all wrong, go back and do them again”

Well done for trying but you are, however, dog shit at maths.

Now a couple of years ago I’d have driven home from the gym an hour later STILL wound up.


I’d have probably still lead in bed that night, thinking of ways I should have poked my head round the door and shut the fucker up with something like…

“Listen you, I don’t know who elected you as president of the Itty Bitty Weights Commitee but I’ll have you know, that I train twice a day pretty much every single God Damn Frikkin day.

I was deadlifting 95kilos for reps this morning as part of a two hour weights session- probably before you were even out of bed.

The REASON I don’t have any kind of (what YOU with your 10kg max would consider) significant weight on my bar when I teach, is because I am not there to train, I am AT WORK and make sure people like you have got correct form (which, my friend, you often don’t ‘cuz I’ve seen that the weight you use is too heavy for you so you cant keep form) and don’t get injured.

Do I come in to your office and tell you that you that you haven’t put enough paper in the photo copier?

So shut the fuck up”

I would then, challenge her to an arm wrestle in the middle of the gym’s boxing ring surrounded by gym rats making bets against me as the under dog who only lifts itty bitty weights

Followed by, in true Rocky Balboa vs Ivan drago styleee, a best of 3 battle, at the last hurdle with a all my might, blood, sweat and tears  turning the previously anti Under Dog crowd into roaring team Too Hottie, with a glorious defeat over the treadmill bitch..

My adoring fans would then hoist me up as I swung a kettle bell round my head. From no where ‘Eye of the Tiger’ blasts out of the gym speakers.

But, alas,  that’s just how my dramatic brain works.

I heard her little speech put the music on and carried on with my class. Not another thought. I dare say I think this is me maturing in to a fully fledged adult .

I bought a basil plant of my very own the other day too, so I’d go as far as to say it’s official.

See, I used to be a gym wanker like this too, I was an arrogant little shit who used to think she knew everything there was to know about training, I’d be in the gym looking round thinking

“Pffftt look at him, he’s hardly lifting any weight, I can lift more than that”

“She’s not running very fast on the treadmill, whats the point? “

Now don’t get me wrong there are occasions where a ‘HUN, what ARE you doing’ is legit’

I’d have you (and my former ignorant arse hole-ish self) consider this…

HOW do you know what that person is training for?

HOW do you know that they’re not recovering from an injury and doing light weights for rehab.

HOW do you know the reason they’re only doing 2 heavy reps in the gym followed by 4 minutes of rest is because they’re training for strength and not because they’re ‘un fit’ or lazy and need a big rest ‘cuz they can’t keep going.

HOW do you know that the reason that person over there is taking her trainers off to squat in bare feet is because she’s creating a stable base so she knows that she’s balanced and loading in her heels to effectively engage her glutes.

HOW do you know that he’s actually arching his back doing a chest press because he’s a power lifter and using a valid technique which creates more stability in the shoulders by pulling the scapula together… (But of course, your Facebook states multiple times per week that you bench like a million kilos … so you clearly know your shit bro)

And that’s the thing.

You DON’T know.

Around this same time, I had to change up my training completely, from big heavy weights and a shit load of explosive sprints and power training, like I’d usually train to LISS (Low intensity steady state) cardio, significantly lighter weights on a higher rep range with exercises I’d normally pile on the weight with and a shit load of activation work with

Wait for it.


Dum dum duuuuuuuuummm

Now, again, back when I was an arse hole (some will argue I still am ha) my ego would have been too battered to stick to this kind of training because I knew everything.

But here’s the thing, your body doesn’t JUST respond how much heavy weight you can lift but more importantly the tension and tempo you create. How you load, how you execute an exercise, how you engage a particular muscle through a mind-muscle connection and the timing in which you do so.

I used to roll my eyes at people sat on the bike peddling away on their phone but all of a sudden I was one of ’em for a block of periodised training designed for a specific goal.

Not to be dramatic but I’d die of actual boredom if I didn’t get some work done on my ipad or watch a film on Netflix whilst doing steady state cardio for an hour or more

FYI.. there’s a MASSIVE difference between the above and standing on a vibration plate doing nothing but letting your fat wobble whilst texting on your phone, like I see at some gyms. And for me, the main difference here, is to have an UNDERSTANDING of why you’re doing what you’re doing and question whether it’s conducive to what you’re trying to achieve.

So don’t get confused with what I’m saying.
As Keith lemon would say ‘Don’t be a dingbat’

Train smart.

If you take nothing away from any of the info- tainment I put out … take away this

Take your ego out of your training and focus on your own shit…

That’s all I got for today

Love ya

Char ‘all grown up’ De Curtis xxx