Lookin’ At Your Sleepy B!tch?

 

 

 

Do you ever have those mornings?

Ya know, where your alarm doesn’t go off…

(Because you totes forgot to set it amidst falling asleep watching re runs of Friends on Netflix in bed?)

So you roll out of bed, resembling Back To The Future’s Doc Brown, in all his crazy hair and dazed eccentric glory as you screech the names  of your kids, who are also still sound asleep..

Run round the house like a bat shit crazy person in your dressing gown and 1 slipper trying to organise uniforms/ breakfast/ lunch for work..

You’re half way to the car feeling like total Mum Of The Year, as you launch Belvita Breakfast Biscuits in the direction of your kids, taken from your emergency stash… For emergencies just like this one, which are becoming more and more common.

You land at school just in time (PHEW) as you hurry your kids out of the car then get to work in a total daze of panic, only to realise that in the madness you forgot your lunch, you’re not mentally prepared for your meeting and haven’t arranged anyone to walk the dog so he’s deffo gunna have shat on the floor by the time you rush home at lunch to walk him.

All day you find shit going wrong and the notion of your diet (ya know the one that’s gunna bring about the fabulous ‘new you’)

Yeh?
The one that was absolutely 100% starting Monday?

Yeh.
Gone.

Vending machine it is.

From start to finish you’ve had a pretty shit day, you get home and run round after everyone else (standard), which in turn finds you being short tempered with your husband and kids because you’re stress levels are through the roof by this point… and you’re bloody knackered, by all standards.

You take the kids to activities, make tea, put kids to bed, clean up .. blah blah..

Finally, you sit down to scroll Facebook, only to be met with a vomit fest status update from your favourite Mum Of The Year, you know the one…

Perfect kids.
Perfect husband.
Probs got a perfectly waxed fanny and a bleached arsehole.

…and how she set her kids up for the day with a nutritious breakfast of salmon and eggs so that they have enough brain energy (equipped with staged picture of said salmon)

Suddenly, you’re hit with a pang of guilt about the Belvita Biscuits from this morning..

Then it hits you..

F*ck it.
Only one thing can solve this.

Suddenly you stand up off the sofa and proceed to stride out of the living room as your Inner Bitch proclaims with utter conviction..

“Wine it is!!”

=======================

Here’s the thing..

Your day can either happen FOR you or TO you.

And, unless you’re the perfectly waxed fanny and bleached arsehole type, I’m guessing you can recall a time when your day happened TO you – with everything feeling totally out of your control and all going to shit from start to finish…

Totally against what you actually want.
Totally against what you’re trying to achieve.

Rather than your day happening FOR you, where you have clarity and action.

Now, A LOT of the women I speak to are struggling to make any progress because they are consumed day in-day-out with things happening TO THEM and not FOR THEM.

So, I help these women on the road to be happy and healthy in a body they rock , on their own terms, by looking at 5 different principles…

One of them I’m gunna share with your now, Home Girl..

And it’s called Sleep Hygiene.

(Or ‘Sleepy Bitch’ as I like to call it on my Inner Bitch Mindset module)

See, Sleepy Bitch ain’t just about the sleep itself, it’s about setting yourself up at night so you can win the next day..

And this teamed with my ‘Morning B!tch’ principle, allows my clients to get clarity and concise action by making small, stress free, changes.

Might tell ya about ‘Morning B!tch’ some time too but for now here’s three things to make your own Sleepy B!tch work, so that your own day happens FOR you and not To you..

Sleepy B!tch takes a big role in your day by allowing you to fall asleep like clock work, wind down easily, de stress and enjoy your evening having had a day that happened FOR you with clarity and control. It allows you a refreshing deep night’s sleep and in turn balances your hormones.

These are just three of the concepts you can try yourself that I teach to my clients…

  1. Leave your phone in the bathroom

    You ever do that thing where you wake up in the night then just ‘check your phone just because it’s there?
    Then before you know it you’re watching a video of a cat who can play the ukulele, you’re wide awake and there’s no getting back to sleep.

For my clients who have this issue, I invite them to try leaving their phone in the bathroom or on the landing at bed time, rather than having it near their bed.
This way you can still hear your alarm and there ain’t no snoozin’ because you have to physically get out of bed to turn it off.
It’s also more unlikely you’re going to disturb your sleep to the point of wide awake club via ukulele cat videos. Chances are you’ll be able to fall back asleep, more or less straight away by avoiding the over stimulation, thus giving you a decent sleep.

  1. Make your bedroom a place JUST for sleeping

    OK and bonking… let’s just say bedroom activities instead shall we?

Your brain and body are a funny thing and they like an environment that has unconscious familiarity.

If I put you in a gym a gym- what do you think you’re gunna do?
If I put you in a classroom- what do you think you’re gunna do?
If I put you in kitchen – what do you do?

I’m gunna assume your answers to the above were exercise, learn and cook?

So when you’re in your bedroom, what do you do?

Watch TV? Work on your laptop?

Ya see where I’m going with this?

If sleep is something you struggle with I’m inviting you to try to make your bedroom a place where you just SLEEP.

Ok, so I get you probs get changed in there in a morning, but in the evening, your bedroom is for sleeping and bonking from now on, OK?

So that your body and brain has that unconscious trigger of ‘Ok, I’m in my bedroom now, this is where I sleep’.

Effective ways of doing this are sleeping in a tidy environment, having a scent to your bedroom (like lavender- something different to the rest of your house- which, again gives that trigger of bedroom = bed time = time to sleep zzzz ) and turning  off all electricals in your bedroom to rid of electronic smog.

  1. Set a bed time.

    I used to be a nightmare for working weird hours and staying up till 2am some nights to get things done and it would really effect the following day when it came to my day  happening TO me, not FOR  me’. This was purely because my sleep patterns were all over the bloody place.

The thing is, your body and brain LOVE patterns and habits so setting a bed time, just like you would for your kids, allows you to get a body clock sync and create a norm where you’re body will naturally start to feel tired.

If you can switch off at a certain time of day not only will it make you more productive with the time you’ve got but will ensure you wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on your day.

So there ya have it, if sleeps something your struggling with and you feel you’re day is often happening TO you and not FOR you… It’s worth exploring your Sleepy B!tch first.

Would love to know how you get on or anything else you’re struggling with, so feel free to hit me an email back or if ya wanna chat my Breakthrough Appointments are open to book until the end of the month

Lotsa Love,

Lottie ‘Sleepy Bitch’ Too Hottie xx

The Too Hottie Formula

The Too Hottie Formula..

Girl Power is at the Heart of my very own Too Hottie Formula, where I deliver coaching for women to become their BEST ever selves. I believe in championing real women with kids, jobs and social lives to be happy and healthy in a body they ROCK.

As part of my Too Hottie mission, I’ve made a pledge to help as many women as possible thus inspiring a Sistahood of unstoppable females to be themselves and achieve whatever they want, on their own terms.

Too Hottie isn’t a one size fits all, it’s a state of mind, an attitude, a revolution that allows you to become your own heroine.

It allows you to rediscover your inner sass by exploring my very own formula, taken from 12 years of working with Kick Ass women who need a nudge (or a full blown catapult) in the right direction..

Here’s what you can expect from my 4 Too Hottie Principles that make up The Too Hottie Formula..

 

 

You

This time, it’s about getting real, raw and relevant with your current situation and the REAL reasons why what you’ve been trying just hasn’t worked.
It’s about You and getting to the bottom of what you truly want.

It’s about prioritising yourself (for once) and being more than just ‘mum’, ‘wife’, ’employee’.
Its about putting yourself first, investing in yourself and giving yourself permission to become the YOUiest YOU.

The YOU that maybe you lost in the midst of having babies, a family, a career.

I work with the women I coach to find the clarity and confidence to move them forwards with results that fit in with what they value in their lives.
Something that works for you and fits in with your own passions and your own purpose.
Something that serves you.. not the other way around.

This Too Hottie You module allows us to find  a pace that works for you to get results on your terms, to be happy and healthy in a body you rock.

Tasty

Look, I get it, you feel like you’ve spent your life on a constant Misery Diet that sucks the fun out of your social events, only to leave you worse off than when you started.
You feel like you don’t know your arse from your elbow when it comes to the Soul- Cleansing-Herba- Detox Juice .. or the drink your own piss detox.. amongst all the other shizzle you’ve tried, to no avail.

The Too Hottie Tasty Module is based on us working together to take out the guess work, detaching negative emotion and guilt that you’ve instilled in to your eating habits, and replacing it with learning exactly how to enjoy food (ENJOY!? Yes I know, crazy) and STILL get the results you long for.
It’s about empowering you with the knowledge and pace that works for you, so you can  finally take back control and fall in love with food.

Move

So you’ve been to Bodypump on and off for years because they say you should be lifting weights, right? You’ve ventured further into the gym and toyed with the treadmill because Linda, who works in accounts, said that running is the BEST THING for fatloss (eye roll)…  but you still don’t know whether what you’re doing is ‘right’ as nothing seems to be changing, no matter how ‘hard’ you seem to be training, leaving you frustrated and lost.

Move is the module where we work on periodised training blocks that work for you and what you want to achieve. It’s about feeling empowered, in control and  having the knowledge that allows you to finally learn about your body and what you’re suited to. The exact techniques that allow you to craft a body you rock that lives in clothes that you love.

Inner B!tch: Mindset

She tells you to have another Hob Nob then calls you a fat cow when you can no longer fit in your favourite jeans.
She’s the one that has you believe that you’re not enough.
Slim enough.
Smart enough.
Confident enough.


Your biggest critic.

She can be the b!tch from hell or simply f*cking fabulous.
It’s You vs You.

And in the Inner B!tch module I teach you exactly how to use her to your advantage.
Inner B!tch allows you the space to get out of your own way in order to look at things from a different perspective. Allowing you to delve deep into your current reality and the stories that don’t serve you, followed by the exact strategies to becoming the best version of yourself…  And this all starts by taking control of your very own Inner B!tch.

 

Ever After

Just so we’re clear, my Too Hottie formula won’t…
Find you a man.
Immediately stop you piggin’ out on Ben & Jerry’s.
Nor will it morph you into a Victoria Secret model.
This isn’t a frikkin Disney Film, Hun.

It will, however, give you the tools to get REAL, RAW and RELEVANT to the exact techniques to be the Too Hot-iest version of YOU, every day.

The tools to finally stay on the wagon.
To wear the clothes you feel sexy in.
To fall in love with food.
To feel empowered by your training and love the process of true long term transformation.
To finally take control of your inner critic and use her to your advantage.

 

The Too Hottie Formula is a practise and something I can teach you to fall in love with day in day out for your very own Too Hottie Ever After.

Don’t believe me?

Ya can see what my Too Hotties, past and present, have to say here…

Misery Diet

 

 

 

 

OK, so here’s what’cha gunna do…
Cut out sugar.
Cut out grains.
Cut out carbs.
Cut out gluten

In fact cut out ANY foods you enjoy.

No fats and carbs together.

No carbs after 6pm.

Absolutely no treats. None.

None what so ever.

 

DEFINITELY no foods that you enjoy because they will send your hormones spiralling out of control and you will end up three stone heavier by tomorrow morning… FACT.

Death, despair and misery must enter your life before you lose fat, gain curves and turn in to Megan Fox using shakes provided by Linda, who works in accounts.

(Tell you about her later)

========================================================

If you’re not stressing about macros, nutrient timing and sodium intake, you are 100% not doing it right.

That’s right.

SUFFER

Suffering is where it’s at.

More misery … more fat loss… more results.

Buy organic EVERYTHING… the more money you throw at that miracle organic shit… the faster your results.

Make sure Everything you’re eating
(including your coconut oil)
is smothered in coconut oil.

If you’re not ‘beasting’ yourself (Whatever that means) for at least 2 hours a day in the gym, to the point of actual near death by burpees?

SHAME. ON. YOU

Have a 400-500 calorie Holy Grail breakfast shake

Shake recipe must include the tears of a 65 year old male virgin and a camel testicle ..
Camel testicle must be extracted from camel by said virgin.

Otherwise …
Guess what? …
No fat loss for YOU.

NON.

Sorry.

(Camel bollock will keep you satiated till lunch time)

(So would eating ACTUAL breakfast but hey- MISERY)

All kindsa camel ball misery.

And heaven forbid you should forget to take your cleansing Aloe 100% natural Jesus Juice, soul cleansing, miracle working herba-detox capsules.

(And make sure you buy them from Linda, who works in accounts, who has been at Slimming World for the past 3 years and did a 5K 1 time so she’s now an expert… Cause she 100% knows what she’s talking about)

OR



You could do non of those things.

Leave the camel balls, despair and misery to Linda, from accounts.

Eat a diet of food you actually ENJOY and just stick to the principle of an energy deficit and a flexible diet whilst losing fat and gaining curves.

Getting back your mojo and creating a body you LOVE.

Just like the women I work with.
Women just like you.

Who I soon get on the straight and narrow, with zero Camel bollocks in sight

Phew

Here’s the thing..

It’s REALLY not about the misery and despair, it’s about you and what works for you and how your life is set up, what you value at the heart of it and becoming the Youiest You (whatever that means to YOU)

So, to help ya out on your very own 7 Days to a Tooo Hottie You, I’m gunna gift you my taster versions of my Fake Aways ebook tomorrow, with some fun, strictly non Misery diet recipes so ya can see the light, Sista..

Just like my SOS gals Emma, Helen, Amanda and Nicola did, in the ‘ps’ of this blog..

Who are all busy gals with kids, jobs and social lives btw

Love char xx

ps check out my SOS gals here

The Good, the bad & the Midget Trees

So unless you’ve been living under a Rock you’ve probs heard of Joe Wicks (AKA The Body Coach)

Personable, down to earth Cockney Geeza who talks about midget trees, sad steps and shouts  BOSH whilst throwin’ shit in to his microwave..

Now, recently some facebook guru has ‘called out’ one his meals to have
‘620 more calories and FIVE TIMES more fat than a KFC meal’

Dum dum duuuuuummmm

I mean How. Fucking. Dare. He

Let’s get out our pitch forks and start a Shrek-Esque man hunt, we need to hunt this villain out and bring down this Health Empire of the curly haired, SMOOTH abdominal CRIMINAL who is conning the people in to eating well and looking after their bodies.

Appealing to the masses.

Encouraging people to cook!

Making shit simple so that people who’ve struggled for years can actually follow and have success with single ingredient, wholesome foods.

How. Dare. He

*********
And obviously this outrage was followed by the obligatory tirade of Facebook warriors in the comments…

“This one time I ate one of Joe Wick’s meals and got food poisoning and died.. and had to be brought back to life… twice”

*********

But lets face it there’s always gunna be some knob head who tries their best to ‘out’ you on social media.

(Like someone tried to do with me a few weeks ago about the supposedly ‘fake, money grabbing’ application process of my SOS programme)

And it’s usually someone you’ve never met, nor ever worked with in any capacity, who has taken one small piece of information they’ve read and got their little knicks in a twist, completely out of context.

^^^ But that’s a story for a few days time

Just when the story was gerrin’ juicy… This Gal loves a cliff hanger

=====================================
=====================================

Anyway there’s two things ya can take away from this so far on ya own Killer Curve, Fatloss mission

  1. All calories aren’t  (ARE NOT) created equal..
  2. Even ‘Good fats’ aren’t always what you might deem ‘good for you’ (whatever that is) particulary if you’re on a ‘fat loss mission’.

Ya see your calories are the MAIN thing that are responsible for fatloss.

And as much as I’m a Joe Wicks fan, for all of the aforementioned greatness.
His approach isn’t one that I tend to promote to my clients.

Why? A few reasons I’ll cover more on soon but here’s three to look out for, particularly if you’re ‘going it alone’ on your own killer curve, fat loss journey of amazingnes

1. Good fats are great YAY! But they are also very calorie dense, you change your diet to increase your fats because How Wicks says so and it’s the ‘done thing?’ Make sure your mindful of the amount of good fats your eating as this can see a surge in calories and may not be conducive to your fat loss goals.

2. Cycling carbs around your actual training session can be a great tool for the right person BUT this is a very individual process that doesn’t work for everyone. For example I have clients who train early morning and work so much better having a carb heavy meal the night before, so they’re ready and fired up ready to take on the day, for example.

The whole process is very individual, and with more than ten years of coaching I’m a massive believer that your eating habits should work around YOU, not the other way round.

When it comes to fatloss..

Energy in vs energy out. SIMPLE.

If you’re on a fat loss mission and you aren’t eating less calories then you burn and creating an energy deficit, you can eat all the green- leafy veg in the world..

BUT

If you are over eating… You are over eating

Whether its green leafy veg… or mars bars.

If you don’t have an energy deficit … No fatloss for you.

(Soz)

And this is something I work on getting across to my 1-2-1 clients who have been on ‘diets’ or been on and off to slimming groups for years and still seen no difference. The gals who are looking to lose fat and gain curves, for good but still, after years, feel like they don’t know their arse from their elbow.

Now, when ya think about it, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realise that a KFC meal is lacking in nutrition compared to a recipe made up of nutrient dense, single ingredient foods, like those you can find in Joe Wick’s lean in 15 and my own ‘Fake Aways’ recipe ebook that I gift to my clients …

But the BIGGEST thing is this, Honey Bunny…

One meal ain’t gunna make or break what your trying to achieve, it’s consistency throughout the day.. throughout the week… that’s gunna make the BIG changes..

So ya ate a protein based breakfast then wonder why you’re not losing weight … if this is you take a good, hard look at the rest of your days and your weekend …

Just because you’re ‘good’ all week, doesn’t mean you can’t totally undo it all on a weekend with a few bottles of vino, Hun..

Just like ONE good habit aint gunna suddenly turn you in to Megan Fox..

Maybe it’s time to take a Real, Raw, Relevant HONEST look what’s going on with your current situation … which is exactly what I’ll be doing with the girls who are booked in for Breakthrough Appointments with me next week.

Ready for when my client books open again in September.

Now, with my clients that I work with one – to – one we don’t look at foods as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and I always promote a HEALTHY relationship with food and it’s something we work on alot to improve mindset and the fear and guilt attached to food, which is a common view with the majority of the women I work with, after years of bloody slimming group and diet shakes.

If this is you and you feel like you’re at the point where you need some help, the doors to my 1-2-1 coaching are opening again in September and Breakthrough Appointments are open now ready for the gals who are ready to take action to have a Kick Ass start in September.

If you’re ready you can email me here to get the ball rolling..

char@toohottie.co.uk

Or ya can keep moaning that them Midget Trees are making you fat..

S’upp to you, princess

Love Lottie ‘Can we just go back to calling it brocooli ffs’ Too Hottie xxx

Should You REALLY Be Weighing Yourself? – By Charlotte De Curtis

Should You REALLY Be Weighing Yourself When It Comes To ‘Weight Loss’?

The age old question that I, still to this day, get asked by tons of women who re frustrated with all the crap that comes with weight loss…

“Should I be weighing myself?”

 

Now, here’s my take on weighing yourself on the weighing scales..

 

If you’re putting all your hopes and dreams into this magical number that the scales are giving you?

 

The same magical Holy Grail number, that you believe is gunna make you happy, find you a man and turn you in to Beyonce when you reach it?

 

THAT same number you always strive for?

 

If this is you..

 

It might be time to take a step back away from the scales and stop putting all your value and self worth in a number.

 

Look, your weighing scales don’t have a heart and a pulse, so why treat them like they do? So many women I see define themselves by that ‘magical’ number. “If I can just reach that number I’ll be happy”.

 

Moving your weighing scales to different places in the house, gradually de robing down to your bare naked body, followed by a bonus wee.. All to try and get to a number you like seeing more than what the scales are telling you.

 

It’s kind of insano behavior when you think about it.

 

Scales measure the weight of the mass that stands on it but it doesn’t tell you what that mass actually looks like… 

 

(Not to mention what a funny, kind, intelligent person you are..  yet you’re defining your whole self by a number?)

 

Thing is, you CAN change your body without it making much difference on a scale.

Some people reflect well on a scale, others don’t… It’s that simple.

 

So when it comes to measuring your progress be sure to use other methods too like pictures, bodyfat with calipers (that I do with my girls), tape measure, how your clothes fit, how your feeling, your health, your sleep, your mood.

 

Don’t hold your self worth on a number because I can guarantee it will become an unhealthy obsession that you’ll never be satisfied with.. 

 

Believe me, with over 10 years of working with ladies, just like you, I’ve seen it alot.

 

You weigh yourself Monday morning and see a number that you were literally dreading after ‘being good’ all week but ‘slipped up’ at the weekend so you clung on to any kind of hope you could muster for a lower number as you step on to the scales (after you’re bonus wee obvs) with one eye closed as you brace yourself for what it’s going to say, which you know will subsequently MAKE or BREAK your day.

 

Lo and behold you  feel like shit, a failure for not being able to stick to your stupid diet, guilty that you were crabby with your kids because you were hungry and stressed. Not to mention all that time away from your family, slaughtering yourself at the gym for nothing..

 

So you think ‘What’s the point?’

 

^^^ But in reality that’s not a true reflection of what’s going on, you’re just holding your entire self worth on a number, given to you by a heartless, soulless piece of plastic.

 

With my girls, I weight train (using barbells and dumbells) with with all of them because you can quantify the progress in other ways.

Not to mention, there’s something really empowering about being able to hit a new squat PB or powering your way through reps and sets you never in a million years thought you ere capable of.

 

Now, another thing that most people don’t get to grips with is that the actual weight of your body and your body composition are two completely different things (which I’ll explain in tomorrow’s video in the Sista-hood group, if you’re one of my one to one clients).

 

You wanna make yourself a smaller version of what you’ve got? 

 

Do cardio.

 

You wanna actually change the shape of your body, create curves and firm up your problem areas, whilst getting leaner and unleashing your inner Bad Ass?

 

Weight train.

 

For the girls I train,  it gives them so much more self worth and value to their journey, especially when it comes to fat loss and actually being HAPPY with your body.

 

Learning to detach from emotional eating and looking at food differently because you see it as fueling your body for training, no longer feeling shame and guilt around foods and actually ENJOYING it (I know.. enjoy food? wtf) because you have other goals to be proud of and ya can still see your body changing.

 

This is the pinnacle of WHY I put together my flag ship SOS programme and exactly what it teaches in the 8 weeks.

 

You aren’t pinning your life and soul on a number on a scale, you’re doing something you’re proud of, dropping true body fat and LOVING the changes that come with it.

 

So…

 

Do I think you should be weighing yourself??

 

Well, it really is your call

 

Love Char xxx 

Why You’re Setting Your Self Up To Fail On Your Weight Loss Journey

Why You’re Setting Yourself Up To Fail On Your Weight Loss Journey, A Full Face Of Contour and Resting Judgy Face

Boring.
Eye Roll.
Don’t Care.

Ohhhhhh…
You. Are. Notttt proclaiming your undying love for the man of yo’ dreams that you met two weeks ago (again)??
Really??
SCREENSHOT


Boring.
Boring.

Your dog’s not even that cute

Neither are your kids.

 

Boring.

Boring.

JUST. CHILLIN?
What with your curly blow, full face of contour and strategic side boob on show in your cheap Ann Summer’s silks? … Off Ya F*ck, Hun.

Boring.
EYEBROWS.
Boring.

Hmmmm??
New relationship??
**Raises eyebrows**
That’ll never last..
LIKE.

Boring.
Don’t Care.
Don’t Care.

OMFG. …A Puppy that does a John Travolta impression??

SHUT.
THE.
FRONT.
DOOR…

I gotta get me one’a THOSE.
Ok let’s Google Dancing John Travolta Puppy.

===========================================
===================================================

 

Now up until recently THIS was how I was setting up my day.
My little, all be it slightly up turned, button nose in everyone else’s shit.

(And before you say it, I already know what a non-judgmental joy I am to be around, so don’t worry yo’ little self, Hun)

I mean, do I really give a shit what Sandra (who came to my spinning class 1 time, eight years ago) is having for her lunch?
No.

No I don’t.

 

Is a dancing dog REALLY contributing to my day?

No.
No it’s not.

 

Nor is the guy I went to primary school with who is embarrassingly indiscreet about ALL THE SEX and all the out of this world INSANO fun that he’s 100% DEFINITELY having, with his new rebound bird.

 

I mean, c’mooooon, if you’ve gotta force it, it’s probably shit…

And also probably for the benefit of your ex…
Just a guess.

 

Anyhooo, like I said … Joy to be around.

 

===========
===========

 

So what’s my point in all this?

 

Now ya know how many times I see this…

 

“You’re eating Wheet-a-Bix for breakfast Sandra? You’re going to hell”

 

Followed by a smug…

 

“MYYYYYY personal trainer says that you should be eating a PROTEIN based breakfast for optimal results”
(even though I don’t actually know what optimal results look like, since I’ve looked exactly the same as I did when I started training with MYYYYYYYYY personal trainer twelve months ago and have to eat my breakfast of stewing steak holding my nose)

 

I mean, nothing gives you a ‘breakfast complex’ like advice from some passive aggressive, Carpet Carrying Avenger who looks like he eats a full baby cow for breakfast whilst staring in to the eyes of it’s mother.

 

Yes TEXT BOOK says a protein based breakfast will keep you satiated till lunch time.

 

But guess what, it doesn’t work for everyone.

 

And I have a confession…

 

I don’t eat a protein based breakfast.

(Yes, I know, I’m going to hell with Sandra)

 

And neither do some of my clients.

 

And here’s where a lot of the FB- PT- Text Book Gurus get it wrong.

 

You think eating a few scrambled eggs for breakfast is gunna change your life and turn ya in to Megan Fox?

 

I mean, if it works for ya..

You get down witcha bad ‘scrambled egged’ self.

 

But for most women I work with
(the ones that have kids, jobs and social lives..

Like REAL ACTUAL women- probs just like you)
… need to look further than the breakfast part and take stock of what’s going in in THEIR whole morning..

 

I’ll have you consider that’s exactly what sets you up for the day..

 

Is the first thing you’re doing in the morning reaching for your phone from under the pillow and reading everyone else’s negative bullshit. The same bullshit that can put you in a bad mood just from the read of a certain person’s status?

 

Is Facebook also the last thing you’re seeing at night before you go to sleep?

 

Do you snooze your alarm 8 times before you drag your tired arse outta bed then survive the first part on coffee to function?

 

Do you run round after your kids, as soon as your eyes open in a mad panic to get everyone where they need to be on time?

 

Do you then skip breakfast entirely?

 

OR

 

Do you make a conscious effort to take some time for yourself?

To compose yourself?

Even if it’s just five minutes?
To wake up and get fresh straight outta bed?

 

I’m not talking jumping in a cold shower followed by some yoga and three hours of meditation… because REALLY?

 

That’s something that 20 year old, newly qualified PT’s with no kids, who still live at home with their mum and dad, say…

 Only to stress you out with guilt and feeling of inadequacy because THAT SHIT just isn’t realistic for most REAL LIFE women.

 I mean, while we’re at it, waking up next to Tom hardy would be great too, right?!

I’ll have you consider that the way you set yourself up in a morning can set you up for your WHOLE day.

 

I’ll also have you consider that the outcome of your day can be determined by your morning routine.

 

*****

You’re knackered from scrolling FB till late, so you snooze your alarm then have five minutes on FB where you see a passive aggressive status from that annoying knob head at work which immediately puts you in a bad mood.

You’re short with your kids ‘cause you’re grumpy, feel gross cause you have’t left enough time for a proper shower..

kids get to school JUST on time but you’re late because in the haze you forgot your laptop. At work you bump in to the knob head which reminds you of his arrogant pig status.. again bad mood.

 

You’re so knackered from all the rush and stress from work that you could have dealt with fine if you could just get your stupid self up out of bed and didn’t spend too long on FB at night, so you now skip the gym and have a comfort food tea and an obligatory few glasses of wine to ease the stress and make you feel better… and you’ll try and be better tomorrow (again)

 

******
Now with the gals on my SOS programme this is the EXACT stuff we work on, along with nutrition and training, to get to the ACTUAL bottom of why you’re STUCK and the ACTUAL things that are hindering your progress and in reality it’s probably not what ya thought it was.

 

I ask the questions then WE, together, plan it out and do the work.

 

If ya need a push in the right direction ya can apply for SOS here until the 20th March when the doors close…

 

Love Char ‘Judgy Mc Judgy Pants’ De Curtis

 

PS, If you’re reading this on my mailing list I’ve got a really special invitation for ya coming this week of how ya can join my tribe for free

Top 10 Gym Essentials That Busy Gals Need To Know

Charlotte De Curtis Fitness Professional

Top 10 Gym Essentials That Every Busy Gal Needs To Know

Headphones

“The music in the gym is shit” …
Now, unfortunately Beyonce, the playlist of any gym isn’t made with JUST YOU in mind.. so if you don’t like it take your own frikkin headphones Hun, K?

 

Fitness Blender.

If you find yourself getting stale or bored in the gym, or maybe you don’t have time to get to the gym AT ALL there are tons of apps and channels with workouts on that you can pinch for your self and even access on your phone for free whilst you’re at the gym (or working out from home) so you don’t have to spend a chunk of your workout staring aimlessly at machines wondering how the frikk to use them.
Check out Fitness Blender on Youtube for some gym inspo OR one of my glute workouts from my Too Hottie Booty Camp Programme Here

 

Spotify:

Nothing revs up a workout like your favourite songs, right? I’m all about Old School Britney … Don’t judge me. And Spotify have some of my FAVE EVER playlists that are ready made so you don’t have to piss about with your phone or music player and lose your flow mid workout.
Check out the ‘Gym Shark’ playlists on Spotify for some great workout soundtracks.

 

The RIGHT trainers

All trainers ARE NOT created Equal. So ya know that pair of trusty sneaks, with the big chunky sole, you pull out every now and again for any form of exercise from running to heavy weight training… well they might very well be hindering what you’re trying to achieve.

 

Now I’m not talkin’ about buying a whole new wardrobe of trainers but GET TO KNOW your training shoes. A lot of the girls I train either have lifting shoes/ converse/ Nike Metcons or (worst case scenario but better than a chunky sole) I get them to take their trainers off for heavy lifts like squats and deads.

WHY? Because a chunky trainer doesn’t give you enough stability or support in movements like this which are initiated through drive in the heels of the feet, which is so much more difficult from an unstable surface (like a chunky sole vs a flat sole)

So again, get to know your trainers.

A GOOD Sports Bra

Boobs have ligaments called Cooper ligaments which once stretched, never go back, que Spaniel Ear syndrome. As you can imagine, letting your puppies boing round ain’t gunna help out this situation, nor is it gunna be comfortable. Plus if ya’v got some decent sized pupsters and they’re not strapped down they really can get in the way of your movements in the gym.

 

Now, by ‘good sports bra’, I don’t mean a lycra Crop Top. I mean an ACTUAL BRA that’s gunna absorb shock and hold the gals down, outta the way.

 

The following are two of my faves and if you’re new to the Sports Bra game make sure ya go and get a proper ‘fitting’ appointment at a shop, you’ll be surprised how many people are walkin’ round in the wrong sized bra.

My Faves: Panache and Shock Absorber both available at http://www.bravissimo.com

 

A Litre Bottle of Water

You’ll be surprised how many people don’t drink enough water in general and you do need to drink even more when you’re training. Try your best to drink a litre of water whilst you exercise. I get my girls to add some BCAA’s to it too, deffo worth looking in to if ya wanna vamp up your results and recovery.

 

INVEST in Some ‘Go To’ Black Leggings

Now I’m a Nike gal, yep they’re more expensive than your H & M’s or ya Primarni’s but in my eyes there’s a lot to be said for R&D (research and development) of sport specific clothing by a sport specific brand… Which ya get from somewhere like Nike but not so much from your six quid Primark leggings.
Seriously, INVEST.
Even my 5 year old (worn to death) Nike leggings have never let me down and gone see through, become ill fitting at the knees or drawn attention to my sweaty groin… Jus’ sayin’

FAVES: Nike Power Epic Lux Tights

My Fitness Pal App:

If you don’t know your arse from your elbow when it comes to getting back into ‘eating healthily’ it might be an idea to get a nutrition and fitness tracker app then you can gauge EXACTLY what’s going on with your food and training.
There’s a full tele class dedicated to making your life easier on my SOS programme but this App in particular is fairly easy to use.

FitBit Activity Tracker:

If ya don’t have one… GET ONE.

Most of my gals have a Fit Bit activity tracker which allows them to keep track of their own activity ‘off session’ in order to stay on track of their goals. Also, most people work really well with the added accountability of a numerical goal that they can actually quantify, like trying to reach a consistent 10,000 steps per day, for example.

Plus there’s tons of things ya can do with it, all of which I also reveal on one of my tele classes on my SOS programme.

Love Char xx

PS, to find out more about my SOS programme or to apply you can click here (Warning it’s not for everyone)

Banana Girl & The Truth About Fitness magazines that All Women Should Know

Fitness
Fitness

 

So I saw something a few days a go about yet ANOTHER self proclaimed ‘fitness guru’ who called her self Banana Girl

Now, before reading it, my immature little mind immediately conjured up the scenario that she either sported a weird yellow cape with stripey Banana-In-Pyjama-eque tights

OR

She’d had more pricks than a pin cushion and was confessing a DailyMail-esque ‘kiss and tell’ type story

(which, truth be told, was why I chose to read it – meh)

But alas..

It transpired that Banana girl, in fact, ate 50 bananas a day

(Not gunna lie, I was hoping for willies)

But fecking hell… 50 bananas?!

Now I’m partial to a banana or two

(Easy tiger)

But 50??

And this (apparently) was part of a daily diet of 5,000 (yep five THOUSAND) calories

.. Or so she claimed.

But I wasn’t buying it..

See here’s the thing, a heck of a lot of the women I speak to are absolutely baffled by the shizzle they’ve read on the internet or in magazines, Banana Girl being no exception.

And with stories like this it’s no frikkin wonder most women I speak to don’t know their arse from their elbow, when it come to getting in shape.

It was only a few weeks ago that I shared another story about a single, vegan, mum who drank a sperm smoothie as part of what she considered a ‘nutritious’ breakfast, every day.

But here’s why I wasn’t buyin’ it. See, I had a few questions of my own..

Is it just me or would sperm not be classed as an animal product?

So Hun, you’re telling me you won’t wear leather because you’re Vegan but you’re quite happy with a shot of man yoghurt for breakfast?

(And is it jus me that’s genuinely intrigued as to where this single mum of two is getting this daily supply?)

I mean, other than a dog sh*t sandwich, I really can’t think of a more vile breakfast.

Ew.

But here’s the thing, not for one minute do I believe Banana Girl or The Sperm Guzzling Vegan.

why? Because it’s, quite simply, attention seeking bollocks.

(Soz)

See, what most women don’t realize is that even fitness magazines, which are often seen (wrongly) as the voice of authority in health and fitness are full of controversial, sensationalist stories which are written by journalists (who often aren’t even in the fitness field full stop) to sell magazines by gaining the attention of the prospective reader.

And ya know what gains attention and sells these glossy mags?

(Well, apart from shotting jizz for breakfast)

Some new fangled diet which is marketed to stressed out, over whelmed women who are desperate for an answer to their failed weight loss woes in the form of THE latest diet…

The sperm eating –  banana chug ’til ya vom – celebrity drink your own p*ss  detox.

So what’s the point of this email?

Why am I landing in your inbox talkin’ ’bout sperm and lack of banana willies?

BECAUSE…

If you’re about to do the whole “This is MY year.. New year, new me tings” and you feel like you’ve already fallen off the waggon, just two weeks in to January…

OR

Maybe you’re still finishing off selection boxes telling yourself you’re starting on Monday (again)..

OR

Maybe you’ve got off to a cracking start and you’re lovin’ your 2017 progress and the road you’re taking, just like my Kick Start gals who started with me on the 2nd of Jan and have collectively lost 3 and a half stone between them, so far.

Whatever point you’re at, be aware from whom you are taking advice.

Ask whether the advice you’re listening to relates to your situation.

Think whether or not the advice someone’s giving you is in the context of what you’re trying to achieve.

It was only last week that I was speaking to a gal in the gym who was trying to follow the advice and plans of a professional body builder.. Which, in theory, is great.
BUT..
Dude, you’re a mum of two with a 9-5 and a staff room full of biscuits, is this really gunna be conducive to what you’re trying to achieve? And is it necessary?
You’re really gunna live of white fish and rice for the foreseeable future
Really?

Or are ya gunna set ya self up for failure from the get go?

Think, have I done this before? Is this REALLY gunna work for me?

Think about it.. then put it into your own context..
Because I’d really hate for you to be shotting semen for breakfast.

Lotsa Love Char  xx

Let’s Get To Know Each Other

kick start women's weight loss

personal trainerLet’s get to Know Each other

 So this is the part where I’m supposed to tell you that I pride myself on being the uber professional personal trainer extraordinaire..
That I  love all things sports, health and fitness, I don’t ever ‘cheat’ on my diet or eat ‘bad foods’ (What ever that means)
That I don’t ever drink wine.. or gin.. or eat doughnuts…
That my body’s a temple and all I do is eat green shit and dry chicken out of tupperware (Then make sure I post about all the gains it’s giving me on Facebook)
Unfortunately, Hun, that jus’ ain’t me…
I’m an ‘all in moderation’ kinda gal
An enjoy yo’ life kinda woman
An anti diet culture filly

A LOVE your body kinda chick

So, instead of boring you to death with some fake ‘professional’ bullsh**, I’m gunna share with you some lessons I’ve learned, which have got me to the point I’m at now…
Mum of two, lifter of weights, eater of doughnuts, finder of Mojo’s and Sass… partial to a gin.. or two
And the mantra that I’ve adopted in the process
“Treat life like a dog.. No matter what it throws at you,  kick some grass over that sh** and move the f*** on”
So here goes…

===================================================

===================================================

1. Always have a back up plan


For 8 years I taught kids dance and fitness in schools, where I learned that everybody, no matter how little, has the right to an opinion.
I also learned that no matter how many times I told said little people my name, they always liked their own version better…

Miss Curtis (understandable)
Mr. Curtis (Mister.. really?? …. C’mon)
…but my favourite
Misty Curtis (If all else fails I’ll be taking that to the strip club with me)

2. It’s good to be a woman of many talents

 I used to work part time in sexual health where I spent my days looking at crusty genitals and sniffing condoms with teenagers. Ever find yourself with Gonorrhoea… Give me a shout.

3. Everything in moderation 

I love cake .. and dohnuts… A few months ago I had a really REALLY shitty week and thought it’d be a good idea to eat a full dozen box of Krispy Kremes in less than 24 hours to make myself feel better.. you know the only thing I felt afterwards?? …FAT!!!

4. The police have never heard of accidentally on purpose

When I was 14 I threw a house party for some of my friends (which turned in to half of the town) whilst my parents were away. This resulted in a paramedic visit to a guy who had been spiked with laxatives and was unconscious on my bathroom floor in a pool of his own excrement …You can imagine the state of my mum’s cream bathroom carpet.
A girl falling in our pond, our cat going missing for three weeks and a telling  off from a police man- who I’d ‘accidentally’ (that was my defense) told I was eighteen, when he turned up to the disturbance …oh and someone pissing in my mums plant pot which did indeed kill her  prized Yuka plant… All made for a serious bollocking, followed by missing out on six months of my teenage social life.

5. Get your priorities straight

 I’m always late to social events … better to arrive late than ugly I say!

6.  Your mum knows.. even when she doesn’t know… she knows

I had this boyfriend when I was 15 who my mum couldn’t stand, when I asked her why she didn’t like him, she replied with “I can’t quite put my finger on it but I just don’t like him…. and his trainers are too clean” … He did infact turn out to be a total douchetard, ever since I’ve always been wary of anyone with pristine trainers.

7. Personality.. I like that sh**!

I used to be a TV extra for Granada TV and Holly Oaks where I met a ton of male models – sounds great right? … WRONG… the most boring, up tight and pretentious bunch of princesses I’ve ever come across. Seriously, they ain’t lying when they say looks aren’t everything.

PS.. Ridiculously early mornings. Long hours. Shit pay … not as glamorous as it sounds, although Calvin from Hollyoaks – remember him? – Did one time offer me his hot water bottle on a cold day outside Nosh #Truelove

 

8. Imagination (and being a bit weird) is key

I liked vampires before it was cool. After my Wednesday night fix of Buffy the Vampire slayer on channel 2 I’d go upstairs, equipped with my best American accent, and slay make believe vampires in the bathroom (Buffy is still my hero, second to my mum)

9. Always use protection

 I break things.. A LOT! This year alone I’ve blown up my car engine (due to a little thing called oil- apparently it’s important- meh!) and bumping my mums car into a curb which resulted in a tyre blow out and £3500 worth of suspension damage….AND if that wasn’t bad enough I’ve been through five iphones…

•Iphone 4- dropped a dumbbell on it
•Iphone 4 replacement- dropped in the pool in Ibiza
•Iphone 5- car ran over it (long story)
•Iphone 6 – dropped and smashed
•Iphone 6 replacement- conked out whilst in the gym (arguably not my fault)

… Recently bought a case for my new iphone 6 replacement

10. Friends are like boobs… ya can spot the fake ones a mile off

When I was ten I got a telling off from my best friend’s Nana Jean for guarding the garage whilst she kissed her boyfriend for the first time to the background music of Boyzone’s “No matter what”… ya know the one….Chicca cha hah hah
“A REAL friend doesn’t stand guard and allow such un lady like behaviour” she said.
It took me at least ten years to realise that Grandma Jean was wrong, that is in fact EXACTLY what a real friend does.
=================================================
=================================================

So.. as you’ve probs gathered I’m not your conventional personal trainer and there ain’t nothing conventional about what I do.

But if you’ve had enough of the vanilla, the norm, the generic… and I sound like I might just flip ya pancake, take a look here to see how we can work together.
Lotsa Love,
char xx

Sweatching, Calories and more BS

Calories

So, if you missed it, I’ll post the link to the semi controversial and probably offensive snippet of a video I put out on my facebok page this week, in the ‘ps’ of this blog..
Still kinda twitching my curtains on the daily, awaiting the angry mob Zumba-esque protest outside my house, due to what I said…
(Shimmies, Jazz hands and maracas in place of pitch forks and torches.. sounds like my kinda party)

 

Anywayyyy…
The full length video is only gunna be available in my, client only, Sistahood group… So if ya not one of my clients, ya wont see it.
So before some sweat band wielding Zumba fanatic hunts me down and lobs a Zumba Toning Stick through my window, I thought I better clear it up…

So…
Firstly, contrary to what you might have witnessed on the video.
I’m PRO Zumba..
Yep PRO.. YAY Go Zumba.. You’re cute.. I love you.

(To be honest I’m not really ANTI anything when it comes to fitness, apart from spinning. NO ONE needs that level of bruised wanny in their life. NO. Thank. YOU)

Before Zumba died a death in the industry about 4 years ago, I used to teach it when it was in it’s prime and, not gunna lie, I loved it. I also loved the revolution it brought.

 

ANYTHING that makes any kind of fitness accessible, fun and gets women off their arses into ANY kind of training..
I’m down for it.

And the best thing, also the reason why I call it a revolution, is that it didn’t stop at Zumba..
It got women having the confidence to then access a tonne of other classes too.
I’ve got one lady still on my facebook, called Kath, who used to come to my classes…

 

 

Started off at Zumba, progressed to a bunch of other stuff … These days she takes part in triathlons.
Kath is in her 50’s.
Guess who’s winning at life? … errrr Kath.

Now my video isn’t even about Zumba…
It’s about people completely and MASSIVELY over estimating how many calories they’re burning during exercise.. thus leading them in to a false sense of security of ‘deserving’ a Big Mac cheat… then being absolutely baffled by the end of the week that they haven’t lost any weight…

Que ‘fuck it bucket’ self destruction and dieting cycle of on-it.. off-it.. destruction.

I’ve even seen instructors post ‘Come to my Zumba class and burn 1500 calories’
Although I’m PRO Zumba. I am very much anti Bullshit.
Here’s the thing..

The FUNDAMENTAL and BASIC principle of fat loss you need to get right before you do ANYTHING else is work out the amount of calories you need to be eating for you to be in a calorie deficit.

You need to move more than you burn.
Otherwise no fat loss for you.

SIMPLE.

It doesn’t matter how much green leafy shit you shovel down your throat… if you are eating more than you burn you ain’t gunna be getting rid of any bodyfat.

If you are over eating. You are over eating.
Whether its nothing but chicken and rice or nothing but Mars Bars … You are STILL over eating.

‘Get the basics right FIRST’
THEN and only THEN, look at everything else.
Now, people have literally stood in front of me and said

‘I’m in the gym for 3 hours every day’..
Or that they burn 7-8-9 hundred calories at a class but they’re still not seeing results in terms of fat loss or  they’re putting weight ON.

And ya know what I say?
“How do you know that you’re burning that many calories?”
And I’m not being a dick about it, I genuinely want to know..
And the thing is this..
Most people don’t know.
Now here’s the thing, on average in an intense workout when I’m completely goosed and totally sweatching (That’s short for sweating like a bitch, so I’m told)
I burn on average 400 calories..
Maybe 450 if I’ve got done some EXTRA hard sweatching.
How do I know this?
Because I have a Fit Bit activity tracker… and before these came out I had a heart rate monitor for years, which gives you an estimate of how many calories you burn within that time, taken from how high your heart rate is.

And BELIEVE me, a very high percentage of people are over estimating MASSIVELY.
Like the guys who think they’re burning 1500 calories at Zumba.

FYI I used to burn about 320 calories MAX teaching at a Zumba class and, teaching it at the front where you’ve got to pretend to be super happy and over exaggerate everything.. which, in it’s self, creates a decent amount of sweatching.

Now this is one of the main reasons I’m a massive advocate of weight training and something that I do with the women I coach…
The more muscle you develop, the more calories you burn at rest, you might have heard that, right?
But it also creates something called the EPOC effect..
Excess post exercise oxygen consumption.

Which is the amount of oxgen needed to restore your body’s levels to normal metabolic function.
Kinda boring. I Know.
BUT it means you still burn calories long after your workout.
YAY!
Now, back to my point before I wrap this up…
Consider this..
Just because you are IN the gym.

At a class.

ON your treadmill in your garage.

 

Just because you are PRESENT.
If you’re not training hard.

If you’re not breaking a sweat.

If you’re finding it easy.
I can guarantee you’re not burning anywhere near as many calories as you think you are.
Believe me.
So if you’re not seeing results you want and you’re getting to the point where you’re frustrated, fed up and overwhelmed …
Take a step back and get the basics right FIRST.
This is something I work on with the women I coach, if you think accountability and clarity might be something you’re lacking you can hit me up here for a Breakthrough appointment 

Love Lottie ‘Basic Bitch’ TooHottie

pps.. If you want more info regarding activity trackers, drop me an email and I’ll give you the low down. FYI I’m not affiliated to Fit Bit or any of these watches but I just think they’re a great tool to have