Let’s Get To Know Each Other

kick start women's weight loss

personal trainerLet’s get to Know Each other

 So this is the part where I’m supposed to tell you that I pride myself on being the uber professional personal trainer extraordinaire..
That I  love all things sports, health and fitness, I don’t ever ‘cheat’ on my diet or eat ‘bad foods’ (What ever that means)
That I don’t ever drink wine.. or gin.. or eat doughnuts…
That my body’s a temple and all I do is eat green shit and dry chicken out of tupperware (Then make sure I post about all the gains it’s giving me on Facebook)
Unfortunately, Hun, that jus’ ain’t me…
I’m an ‘all in moderation’ kinda gal
An enjoy yo’ life kinda woman
An anti diet culture filly

A LOVE your body kinda chick

So, instead of boring you to death with some fake ‘professional’ bullsh**, I’m gunna share with you some lessons I’ve learned, which have got me to the point I’m at now…
Mum of two, lifter of weights, eater of doughnuts, finder of Mojo’s and Sass… partial to a gin.. or two
And the mantra that I’ve adopted in the process
“Treat life like a dog.. No matter what it throws at you,  kick some grass over that sh** and move the f*** on”
So here goes…

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1. Always have a back up plan


For 8 years I taught kids dance and fitness in schools, where I learned that everybody, no matter how little, has the right to an opinion.
I also learned that no matter how many times I told said little people my name, they always liked their own version better…

Miss Curtis (understandable)
Mr. Curtis (Mister.. really?? …. C’mon)
…but my favourite
Misty Curtis (If all else fails I’ll be taking that to the strip club with me)

2. It’s good to be a woman of many talents

 I used to work part time in sexual health where I spent my days looking at crusty genitals and sniffing condoms with teenagers. Ever find yourself with Gonorrhoea… Give me a shout.

3. Everything in moderation 

I love cake .. and dohnuts… A few months ago I had a really REALLY shitty week and thought it’d be a good idea to eat a full dozen box of Krispy Kremes in less than 24 hours to make myself feel better.. you know the only thing I felt afterwards?? …FAT!!!

4. The police have never heard of accidentally on purpose

When I was 14 I threw a house party for some of my friends (which turned in to half of the town) whilst my parents were away. This resulted in a paramedic visit to a guy who had been spiked with laxatives and was unconscious on my bathroom floor in a pool of his own excrement …You can imagine the state of my mum’s cream bathroom carpet.
A girl falling in our pond, our cat going missing for three weeks and a telling  off from a police man- who I’d ‘accidentally’ (that was my defense) told I was eighteen, when he turned up to the disturbance …oh and someone pissing in my mums plant pot which did indeed kill her  prized Yuka plant… All made for a serious bollocking, followed by missing out on six months of my teenage social life.

5. Get your priorities straight

 I’m always late to social events … better to arrive late than ugly I say!

6.  Your mum knows.. even when she doesn’t know… she knows

I had this boyfriend when I was 15 who my mum couldn’t stand, when I asked her why she didn’t like him, she replied with “I can’t quite put my finger on it but I just don’t like him…. and his trainers are too clean” … He did infact turn out to be a total douchetard, ever since I’ve always been wary of anyone with pristine trainers.

7. Personality.. I like that sh**!

I used to be a TV extra for Granada TV and Holly Oaks where I met a ton of male models – sounds great right? … WRONG… the most boring, up tight and pretentious bunch of princesses I’ve ever come across. Seriously, they ain’t lying when they say looks aren’t everything.

PS.. Ridiculously early mornings. Long hours. Shit pay … not as glamorous as it sounds, although Calvin from Hollyoaks – remember him? – Did one time offer me his hot water bottle on a cold day outside Nosh #Truelove

 

8. Imagination (and being a bit weird) is key

I liked vampires before it was cool. After my Wednesday night fix of Buffy the Vampire slayer on channel 2 I’d go upstairs, equipped with my best American accent, and slay make believe vampires in the bathroom (Buffy is still my hero, second to my mum)

9. Always use protection

 I break things.. A LOT! This year alone I’ve blown up my car engine (due to a little thing called oil- apparently it’s important- meh!) and bumping my mums car into a curb which resulted in a tyre blow out and £3500 worth of suspension damage….AND if that wasn’t bad enough I’ve been through five iphones…

•Iphone 4- dropped a dumbbell on it
•Iphone 4 replacement- dropped in the pool in Ibiza
•Iphone 5- car ran over it (long story)
•Iphone 6 – dropped and smashed
•Iphone 6 replacement- conked out whilst in the gym (arguably not my fault)

… Recently bought a case for my new iphone 6 replacement

10. Friends are like boobs… ya can spot the fake ones a mile off

When I was ten I got a telling off from my best friend’s Nana Jean for guarding the garage whilst she kissed her boyfriend for the first time to the background music of Boyzone’s “No matter what”… ya know the one….Chicca cha hah hah
“A REAL friend doesn’t stand guard and allow such un lady like behaviour” she said.
It took me at least ten years to realise that Grandma Jean was wrong, that is in fact EXACTLY what a real friend does.
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So.. as you’ve probs gathered I’m not your conventional personal trainer and there ain’t nothing conventional about what I do.

But if you’ve had enough of the vanilla, the norm, the generic… and I sound like I might just flip ya pancake, take a look here to see how we can work together.
Lotsa Love,
char xx

Sweatching, Calories and more BS

Calories

So, if you missed it, I’ll post the link to the semi controversial and probably offensive snippet of a video I put out on my facebok page this week, in the ‘ps’ of this blog..
Still kinda twitching my curtains on the daily, awaiting the angry mob Zumba-esque protest outside my house, due to what I said…
(Shimmies, Jazz hands and maracas in place of pitch forks and torches.. sounds like my kinda party)

 

Anywayyyy…
The full length video is only gunna be available in my, client only, Sistahood group… So if ya not one of my clients, ya wont see it.
So before some sweat band wielding Zumba fanatic hunts me down and lobs a Zumba Toning Stick through my window, I thought I better clear it up…

So…
Firstly, contrary to what you might have witnessed on the video.
I’m PRO Zumba..
Yep PRO.. YAY Go Zumba.. You’re cute.. I love you.

(To be honest I’m not really ANTI anything when it comes to fitness, apart from spinning. NO ONE needs that level of bruised wanny in their life. NO. Thank. YOU)

Before Zumba died a death in the industry about 4 years ago, I used to teach it when it was in it’s prime and, not gunna lie, I loved it. I also loved the revolution it brought.

 

ANYTHING that makes any kind of fitness accessible, fun and gets women off their arses into ANY kind of training..
I’m down for it.

And the best thing, also the reason why I call it a revolution, is that it didn’t stop at Zumba..
It got women having the confidence to then access a tonne of other classes too.
I’ve got one lady still on my facebook, called Kath, who used to come to my classes…

 

 

Started off at Zumba, progressed to a bunch of other stuff … These days she takes part in triathlons.
Kath is in her 50’s.
Guess who’s winning at life? … errrr Kath.

Now my video isn’t even about Zumba…
It’s about people completely and MASSIVELY over estimating how many calories they’re burning during exercise.. thus leading them in to a false sense of security of ‘deserving’ a Big Mac cheat… then being absolutely baffled by the end of the week that they haven’t lost any weight…

Que ‘fuck it bucket’ self destruction and dieting cycle of on-it.. off-it.. destruction.

I’ve even seen instructors post ‘Come to my Zumba class and burn 1500 calories’
Although I’m PRO Zumba. I am very much anti Bullshit.
Here’s the thing..

The FUNDAMENTAL and BASIC principle of fat loss you need to get right before you do ANYTHING else is work out the amount of calories you need to be eating for you to be in a calorie deficit.

You need to move more than you burn.
Otherwise no fat loss for you.

SIMPLE.

It doesn’t matter how much green leafy shit you shovel down your throat… if you are eating more than you burn you ain’t gunna be getting rid of any bodyfat.

If you are over eating. You are over eating.
Whether its nothing but chicken and rice or nothing but Mars Bars … You are STILL over eating.

‘Get the basics right FIRST’
THEN and only THEN, look at everything else.
Now, people have literally stood in front of me and said

‘I’m in the gym for 3 hours every day’..
Or that they burn 7-8-9 hundred calories at a class but they’re still not seeing results in terms of fat loss or  they’re putting weight ON.

And ya know what I say?
“How do you know that you’re burning that many calories?”
And I’m not being a dick about it, I genuinely want to know..
And the thing is this..
Most people don’t know.
Now here’s the thing, on average in an intense workout when I’m completely goosed and totally sweatching (That’s short for sweating like a bitch, so I’m told)
I burn on average 400 calories..
Maybe 450 if I’ve got done some EXTRA hard sweatching.
How do I know this?
Because I have a Fit Bit activity tracker… and before these came out I had a heart rate monitor for years, which gives you an estimate of how many calories you burn within that time, taken from how high your heart rate is.

And BELIEVE me, a very high percentage of people are over estimating MASSIVELY.
Like the guys who think they’re burning 1500 calories at Zumba.

FYI I used to burn about 320 calories MAX teaching at a Zumba class and, teaching it at the front where you’ve got to pretend to be super happy and over exaggerate everything.. which, in it’s self, creates a decent amount of sweatching.

Now this is one of the main reasons I’m a massive advocate of weight training and something that I do with the women I coach…
The more muscle you develop, the more calories you burn at rest, you might have heard that, right?
But it also creates something called the EPOC effect..
Excess post exercise oxygen consumption.

Which is the amount of oxgen needed to restore your body’s levels to normal metabolic function.
Kinda boring. I Know.
BUT it means you still burn calories long after your workout.
YAY!
Now, back to my point before I wrap this up…
Consider this..
Just because you are IN the gym.

At a class.

ON your treadmill in your garage.

 

Just because you are PRESENT.
If you’re not training hard.

If you’re not breaking a sweat.

If you’re finding it easy.
I can guarantee you’re not burning anywhere near as many calories as you think you are.
Believe me.
So if you’re not seeing results you want and you’re getting to the point where you’re frustrated, fed up and overwhelmed …
Take a step back and get the basics right FIRST.
This is something I work on with the women I coach, if you think accountability and clarity might be something you’re lacking you can hit me up here for a Breakthrough appointment 

Love Lottie ‘Basic Bitch’ TooHottie

pps.. If you want more info regarding activity trackers, drop me an email and I’ll give you the low down. FYI I’m not affiliated to Fit Bit or any of these watches but I just think they’re a great tool to have

What Emma Did…

SOS programme

So I Put Emma On A Boil Wash…

… And She Shrunk.

SOS programme

 

 

Just kidding.
Emma did my SOS programme and she’s now one of my VIP members, currently at two and a half stones down, whilst keeping her incredible curves, through weight training.
Now, other than the fact that I get on with Emma like a house on actual firrrrrre.. The gal is literally hilarious, there’s a few reasons why she’s been so successful.
And one reason that most people don’t even take in to consideration is this..
It was a few weeks ago that Emma said to me
“My friends are all really shocked that I’ve stuck to everything, I’ve never stuck to anything before”
And when I asked her why she felt like she couldn’t stick to ‘anything’ when she’d done so well on SOS, she simply said…
Now wait for it…
This ain’t what ya think…
“Well I think it’s because of how much it costs”
BINGO
Now, I know you were probably thinking there was some kinda unicorn poo answer coming there, right!?
Like the SECRET to losing two and a half stones … drinking your own piddle and eating nothing but detox herba Jesus Juice Unicorn poop Porridge.
But No.
Afraid not..
Here’s the thing..
SOS is EXPENSIVE.

It ain’t cheap.
And never once will you hear me trying to persuade anyone otherwise. EVER.
Why?
Because it’s an AWESOME programme that’s taken me two years to develop and I have never seen anything quite so comprehensive, in depth or client focussed in my 10 years of coaching… Which is why I put it together.
It works, if you put the work in and follow it.
SOS is application only.. ie you have to apply to work with me.

My VIP membership is by invitation only … ie Your name’s not down you ain’t comin’ in
Here’s why…
If you’re not willing to invest in yourself.

 

If you don’t VALUE what you’re doing.

 

If you’re not willing to make a sacrifice and prioritise

If you don’t believe in what you’re doing
What’s the point?
How the hell can you motivate yourself to do well at something that you don’t value?

That you don’t appreciate?

 

 

That you don’t hold in high regard?
Honestly, the gals who are most successful on my SOS aren’t the chicks with the high flying jobs and money to burn, which is what you’d probably think, right?
Those who ‘can afford it’
It’s the ones who REALLY value it.

 

The ones who have chosen to invest in themselves.

 

The ones who are at their wits end, over whelmed, pissed off with al the generic crap that they don’t value.
The mums who are sick of getting changed in the dark before their husbands see them.

 

The gals that are frustrated about trying to find clothes that cover their arms for a night out.

 

The chicks who feel fat, frumpy and don’t have a clue where to start.

 

The fillies that have tried everything.. followed by failure, guilt and frustration every time.
The ones who are willing to INVEST in themselves are the ones who turn it around.
Now, I’m not just talking about my SOS programme, hell it ain’t for everyone and I can’t guarantee we would be a good fit to work together.
But the next time you’re choosing a ‘programme’ a ‘diet’ or whatever, ask yourself

‘Do I really value what I’m doing? Is this the same shit I’ve done before?’
This is the same reason why I don’t do ‘OFFERS’, FREE or CHEAP…
1. Because I don’t need to.

2.People don’t value cheap or free.
Now again, back to the whole motivation thaaang.
If you’re not willing to invest in yourself .. expect cheap results.
Seriously…
Feeling stressed? ….Book the massage.

Buy the pretty shoes that are both cute AND comfy, even though they cost more.

 

Get your hair done by the AMAZING hairdresser

 

Buy the GREAT fitting bra… not the Primark alternative
(Baps everywhere.. yikes)
^^^ Try and invest in things you love and the things that serve you

 

(Just like Emma did)

 

Now, as part of the maintenance plan that comes with the end of SOS there’s a question that asks..
‘What fears and worries did you have about working with me on SOS?’
Here’s what Emma wrote:
‘I’m normally very easily give in and eat pizza so the though of spending money on my health and fitness was worrying considering I’ve failed so many times before, I was worried it’d be a waste of money’
But Emma took the plunge and chose to invest in herself…
^^^ Think about it.

 

Love Char xxx

The day I Became A Pimp and My Crazy Diet

Crazy Diet
Have you ever noticed how people want you to do well
but just as long as you’re not doing  better than they are?
And think about it…
You’d never see Angelina Jolie like
 “Jesus, that Michelle from Corry’s shit at acting and she’s put some right timber on”
Why would Big Ange need to give a shit about Michelle from Corry?.
 Ya could argue that it’s jealousy right?
And maybe it is..
But speaking to one of my clients the other day who’s a self proclaimed ‘FFG’ (Former Fat Girl) she confessed that she previously scoffed at anyone who did exercise and ate well because she hated how she looked and couldn’t stop binging- even describing herself as disgusting – true story.
(‘Til I got my hands on her o’ course)
Speaks volumes, doesn’t it.
Its other people’s insecurities.
Being intimidated by others is a really sad place to be.
I have clients going through this at the moment.
Other’s trying to belittle their successes.
They’ve all worked their (newly pert) arses off
and are looking smokin’.
But some of ‘em are letting what I like to call
‘Bitch- fest Backlash’ (AKA ‘BFB’)
get to them.
But I’ve found a solution, other than my previous solution of
‘Tell them jealous bitches to kiss your pert ass’
(Yep stolen from Tyra Banks… kinda)
 But I’ll tell you about shortly…
Ya know the drill…
… I think you’re too skinny
… ‘We’ don’t think you’re eating enough
… I liked you better before when you were XYZ dress size
… You don’t need to do all that
… You’re obsessed
And my favourite ‘Oh yeah I heard you’re on that CRAZY diet’
Now ANYONE that’s worked with me KNOWS full well…
I DO NOT ever… EVER
Put ANYONE on a ‘crazy diet’
You CAN NOT train effectively and achieve optimal body composition on a ‘crazy diet’.
The results my clients are getting CANNOT be done on a ‘crazy diet’
But clearly you’re an expert, right?
Thing is, all these comments really are IRRELEVANT.
They’re opinions from people who in reality
DON’T HAVE A CLUE
about what you’ve been doing…
As my mum poignantly pointed out a few weeks ago
‘A little bit of knowledge is dangerous’
Which is why so many people are ramming shit like raspberry ketones down their necks.
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So hang on pal, what you’re trying to tell me is that you’re peaking though my window every meal time, assessing the food on my plate and calorie and nutrition content of my meals… Bit weird if you ask me.
Funny that you know my dress size better than I do when I can be a size in Topshop yet two sizes bigger in next.
How do you know what I do and don’t NEED to do? What if I want to do that? What if I ENJOY doing that?
Obsessed? Maybe I am by your standards but I’d rather be obsessed with taking care of myself than obsessed with binge drinking, take-aways and online bingo.
And since we’re on the subject of my face looking thin and insinuating that I look like I’m on crack
 … Well…
I think yo face is ain’t much to be desired full stop
… and waxing your tash wouldn’t go a miss either.
… Just saying
(FYI your cheeks are a natural fat store, your face is going to look thinner as soon as you start dropping bodyfat, for most people)
Anyway, ya know what they say … keep your nose out
Or how I prefer to eloquently phrase it …
… Mind your own fucking business
See I used to take this stuff personally, and here’s why..
These girls I work with
They’re accountable to ME
(Just me who thinks I sound like a pimp?)
and we get through this shit together.
Something’s not working?
We change it.
They work fucking hard ..
They make the changes I tell’em to.
They realise that it’s not about who they are when they start,
it’s about who they’ve got to become.
I try my hardest to repel the widdle princesses who aren’t gunna put the work in
(although some of ‘em slip through the net)
So that I’m left with women like these ones who TAKE ACTION on what I say.
But ‘taking other people’s opinions personally’ is a thang of the past for me.
And I massively advise you do this too, kinda sets ya free from their bullshit.
When my clients tell me about their ‘BFB’..
I just kinda shrug my shoulders and say…
“And what kinda shape is this person in?”
Then guess what? They answer their own question.
It’s like a light bulb moment for them…
Yep… EXACTLY
Here’s how I see it…
You should genuinely feel a bit sorry for those who try to belittle what you’ve achieved because, when you think about it, they’re just trying to make themselves feel better about about their own shitty life..
Harsh but true, I’m afraid.
They’re the exact kind of people I START out working with, just like my FFG client I mentioned earlier.
They don’t have sex- Ever
They’re embarrassed about how they look
They feel fat and frumpy
Disappointed they’ve gotten to THIS
Frustrated, over whelmed.
Convince themselves they’re ‘time poor’ and so hard done to.
“It’s different for me”
No clue what to eat, how to train and struggling.
Put on a front that they’re happy the way they are but are constantly yoyo dieting.
Liddle bit of success at Slimming World only to pile it all back on again.
They’re fed up and let’s face it, its easier to have your head and opinion in someone else’s business than to face your own and TAKE ACTION on it…
Which is the main reason I’ve deleted all my social media apps off of my phone recently.
…But I’ll tell you about that another day
Anyhoo, that all I’ve got for today.
Now, if you consider yourself an action taker and you can hinestly say enough is enough … ya can apply for my SOS programme on the following link- it’s open to you guys on my mailing list ONLY.
www….. ***** I you’re on my mailing list you’ll receive the link ***
BUT be warned, it’s a 60 day commitment and a big investment.
Serious players need only apply, so please don’t waste both of our time unless you’re 100% game…
It’s not for everyone.
Love Char ‘Pimpin’ out ma bitches’ De Curtis xxx
Ps… If ya not ready to handle my 60 dayer, I’ve got a new group training programme on the way, that I’ve been taste testing for all this week – yum
PPs.. If ya wanna see som’a dem bitches I beez pimpin’ out recently on my 60 day SOS ya can visit my FB page on the link below
 https://www.facebook.com/pages/Charlotte-De-Curtis-The-Too-Hottie-Coach/
PPPS… Ya don’ like brutal honesty and zero bullshit? Click the ‘unsubscribe’ link below and piss off 😉

Tight Wannies & An X-Rated Build A Bear and Weight Training

weight training
Put some curves here.
Make this smaller there.
A bit more cushion fo’ the pushin’ under here
And
Voila
Kinda reminds me of Build a Bear Workshop.
…without the fur.
…or the miniature bear outfits.
Meh
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Anyhooo,
It wasn’t that long ago that a client of mine discovered another MAJOR advantage of weight training, as I received a text from her that read…
(Brace yourself)
“I know this is random but I feel like my ‘wanny’ is tighter since I’ve been training with you and even Nick has noticed”
Yes a ‘Wanny’ is exactly what you think it is
Yes this is an actual true story
Yes Nick is her husband and isn’t a gynocologist by trade
(I don’t know any man  who’s a wanny expert so Go Nick)
In fact she’s prolly readin’ this now.
**Hi Kirsty**
In fact, thinking about it, this is the same client who exclaimed (in the middle of a packed gym) that she just squeezed so hard on a squat her uterus nearly fell out.
(Kirsty the X-rated Build a Bear)
So for us chicks this is kind of a big deal, especially if you’ve had babies.
Cuz’ think about it, unless you have a job lifting things or sit at your desk practising pelvic floor exercises, that area is never under tension.
… Until you lift weights and create  the tension through contraction.
Now Included in the ‘Starter Pack’ that I give new clients at consultation bookings, you get two weight training programmes that you can download to your phone and take to the gym with you (For free)
These give you a step by step guide of how to get started with weight training and EXACTLY how to get the most out of it without it being time consuming, boring or leaving you questioning whether you’re doing it right or wrong.
Plus a tele class that explains exactly how to activate your pelvic floor, in and out of the gym.
So if ya want in…
You can book your consultation slot here..
www.toohottie.co.uk/consultation
Love Char ‘Your husband will thank you for it’ De Curtis
xxx
PS. Tomorrow I’m gunna tell you about my friend’s wet patch, see ya then

Fatloss never Tasted So Good (Cringe)

Fatloss
Years ago I went through a phase of making this miracle Jesus Juice shake of wonder for my breakfast.

Equipped with a tonne of seeds, protein, good fats and

Y’know..
Healthy Shit
It went a bit like this..
Full fat milk
Peanut butter
Bananna
Frozen berries
Avocado
Whey protein powder
Oats
Chai SeedsAnd  then I’d sit in totally baffled and pissed off that I’d put ON weight….

Same as the chicks I see daily, who come & book in for help during a consultation with me.

Women just like you.

(Who I soon get on the straight and narrow)

I mean, isn’t everyone always telling us  to eat good fats and a balanced breakfast!?
Protein- yep
Fats- yep
Carbs- yep

So WTF!?!?

Now here’s the thing..

I get it.

I speak to frustrated women day in day out in my Breakthrough Appointments, and help them from the point of being totally baffled at the fact they’re doing ‘everything right’.

But here’s the issue…

Yeah, my shake of Breakfasty goodness had all the right stuff in.

AND tasted frikkin INSANE.
Like serious YUM

All the YUMS in fact

(To the point where I probs posted a picture of it with a cheesy hashtag of ‘Fatloss never tasted so good’)

Yep … I used to be THAT guy (Cringe)

And the reason it tasted

SO. DAMN. GOOD?

Is because it contained the whole entirety of the  calories

I should have been eating for the full day.

In. One. Frikkin. Meal

Now contrary to the misleading bullshit you’ve seen knocking about..

Calories DO Count.

And I can’t believe the amount of people who completely bypass this crucial element of fat loss.

If you’re over eating… you’re over eating.

If you’re not eating in the confines of your OWN calorie allowance, you are not gunna lose fat.

SIMPLE.

It’s literally the biggest and the simplest school girl error most chicks I see are making.

There’s no miracle wonder shake…

No magical food…
No dink your own piss detox tea …

That’s gunna melt off your body fat if you are STILL eating too many calories.

Now, as part of my Starter pack that I give out as part of my Breakthrough Appointment,

I work out the amount of calories you should be shooting at for effective fatloss (this is something that’s individual to each person)
as well as assessing bodyfat levels and a bunch of other cool shizzle to get you started on your OWN journey.

All strictly bullshit free

(Obviously)

If ya want in..

Ya can check it out here

Or ya can keep cryin’ in to ya detox tea… Supp to you, Princess

Love Char ‘break down or breakthrough’ De Curtis
xxx

Damage Limitation

Damage Limitation

How You Can Avoid Falling Off The Wagon (Part 1)

Personal trainer Burnley

Damage Limitation…

That, right there, is a phrase I frikkin LOVE

… Damage Limitation…

Especially if you say it like the dramatic voice over guy on the X-factor.

Damaaaaage. Limiiiiiitation.

(You just tried it didn’t you)

Sounds like some kind of strategic military type plan to avoid impending doom…
or maybe just my dramatic little brain?

Anyway, when I use this phrase with my clients, it pretty much does what it says on the tin..

Limits Damage.

Which, when you’re trying to reach a goal, is a much better option than

‘Fuck it’

Here’s the thing…

How many times have you been on a ‘diet’ and completely fucked it by eating a giant indian meal, eating a full packet of Hobnobs or stuffing your pie hole with too much … well… pie? Purely for the fact that you had an unnecessary ‘fuck it I’m here now’ moment which can potentially screw ALL the hard work you’ve put in so far and leave you feeling like a big fat, miserable pig the next day…

And then..

‘Fuck it, might as well carry on till Monday’

(Because that’s completely logical, right)

**Face Palm**

Now, I’m all for a social life and not depriving yourself of the things you love , which is EXACTLY what I do with the girls on my  SOS  programme so if you’re sat there thinking..

“Well no, I’m not going out AT ALL for the next 60 days”
“I know it’s Davina’s wedding but I’m not gunna drink… in fact I’m just gunna drink water for the next 60 days”
“I’m gunna stick to nothing but ‘clean’ food.
No treats what so ever
Non.
For 60 days.
…Misery is where it’s at

If this is you…

You reeeaaalllyy need to GET FUCKING REAL.

Calm down.
Stop panicking.
Chill the fuck out.

Seriously..

SERIOUSLY

For 99.9% of us this ain’t gunna happen sista…
And the ones who say they do this cold turkey shit successfully?
Well… I challenge em to a Jeremey Kyle lie detector

And ya know what else ya gunna do if this is the mind set you’re in?

Set ya self up for MASSIVE failure and feel shit about how much of a big fat failing loser you are and reach for the crisps or dohnuts or pie … or all damn three.

“Well I’ve fucked it now.. might aswell carry on”

** Cries in to jumbo sized pack of Dorittos **

No.

Just no.

Now the key to this is… Guess what?…

Damage Limitation

(you can’t say it without impersonating the X-Factor guy now, right)

If you’re on my SOS programme, you receive an Action plan template and Tele Class telling you EXACTLY how to handle everything I’ve just spoken about with your own tailored Jedi Ninja tactics, together with the  guidance of yours truely, where we keep on track in a nutrition mini-session each week in order to avoid…

Impending doom.. dum dum dum

… Ahem

…I mean your social life that you CAN still have and get results if you get the right things in place

Sooooo…

Don’t turn your cheat meal in to a cheat day.. or worse… a cheat week.

Don’t go crazy with your ‘cheat’.

Seriously…

I kid you not, you can undo a full weeks worth of hard graft by eating a pizza and a tub of ice cream

and no …

“Yeah but I burnt it off”

You’ll find that you’ve just eaten it all back on, my friend

… And some, I’m afraid.

Now there isn’t a single one of my girls who is on the same plan. Some work better with a cheat meal once per week, some work better with a mini cheat planned in everyday.

Yep- every day..

(Is this  what some  ‘Personal Trainers’ might call ‘optimal’? – Nope – infact they’d probably have a fucking melt down just reading this)

But if you’re going to beat yourself up every single day in the staff room at work just to crack and binge out later anyway, you’ve got to ask your self…

Is salivating like a pavlov dog every damn day worth it?

Is it worth feeling THAT deprived every day when it can be factored in to your plan stress free?

So again, if you’re currently one of my SOS girls or one of my coaching clients you NEED to be honest with me with what you’re struggling with then we can…

… Guess What

Limit the damage.

Love

Char ‘You’re never going to be able to say that phrase normally ever again’ De Curtis

xx

 

Lessons from Brad Pitt & Why You’re still sat on the Pitty Potty

Have you ever see the film Fight Club ?
If you haven’t.. you’re massively missing out on Brad Pitt in his prime
(Pre the scratty beard and hobo chic long hair, obviously)
Anyway, there’s a quote in the film delivered by the Man God that is Brad Pitt, as the character Tyler Duerden, which goes like this…

“Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everyone else”

And until you accept that right there, I can guarantee you are going to go round in circles doing the same shit you’ve always done at the same diet groups you’ve always been to, listening to the same bullshit you always have

… And STILL expecting a different result.

Bullshitting yourself in to thinking your the unique widdle snowflake that is different to everyone else.

Harsh? .. Maybe

And for most people that’s hard to comprehend.

BUT..
Over the last two days I’ve told you about two clients with
EXACTLY the same goal.
EXACT same situation (long busy hours, no kids, lived with partner)
Given EXACTLY the same tools, time attention and resources.
One smashed it (Hate that – typical PT phrase – meh)…
The other failed. Miserably
Why?
Because she refused to let go of her victim, ‘poor little me’ story.
Here’s the thing
Shit isn’t easy for ANYONE…
But it’s all about mindset and perspective.
You think you’ve got it hard?
These are two of my clients who I worked with last year who smashed (again -MEH!) my SOS programme recently.
A full time working mum who scraped together cash to join the programme after trying everything, with 4 kids, one of which is a daughter who has Aspergers (Clinically Diagnosed) … The same daughter who had an unsuccessful suicide attempt mid SOS.
And…
A teacher embarking on a career change after a recent messy breakup, with a tumour on her Pituaitary gland which lead to some major thyroid issues. Resulting in a massive hormonal imbalance, which basically meant that her body was a good 60% less likely to lose fat effectively.
… but guess what
… Both fucking annihilated it, both surpassed the goals we set together at their initial consultations.
… Yep we, together, had to make some drastic changes mid programme and even have a bit of a ‘crisis’ meeting but they both did it.
And ya know why?
Mindset, baby.
So yesterday when I told you I wasn’t willing to listen to Little Miss Voldemort’s bullshit?
This is why…
If you’re stuck in the same vicious cycle of bullshit and unwilling to let it go
… It’s just so hard for me
… I need more help than anyone else
… Pass me the pity potty
You’ll never let go of this mentality and these stories.

Until you do, I can guarentee you’re going to be in the exact same position.

How do I know this?

Because I’ve done it myself

Everytime I think back to a time when I feel like I’ve failed…
Everytime I feel I haven’t achieved what I’ve set out to do…
Everytime I haven’t put in the work…
Everytime I’ve procrastinated…

I’ve sedated myself with stories and excuses…

Blamed other people
Sat on the Pitty PottyBut when I look back to my old story…The reality has always been that I am responsible for my own shitWhy?

Because the reality is…

I’m not special, I’m not a beautiful or unique snowflake, I’m the same decaying organic matter as everyone else…

And I’m responsible for my own actions.

And if you genuinely want to write a new story you need to realize this

… Just like I did

Love Char xx

P.S Think you’ve got what it takes to be one of my Sink or Swim (SOS) girls?
You can find out more and apply at the bottom of this link by clicking HERE

P.P.S If you’re not willing to leave your pre conceived ideas at the door, it ain’t for you.

Boobs, Karma Sutra & How To Find the Perfect Sports Bra

How To Find the Perfect Sports Bra
So, I read something a while ago that stated..
 “You know your boobs are heading south if you can hold a pencil underneath them”
At 23 weeks pregnant, it’s safe to say that  these here sweater stretchers would easily , without a doubt, support nothing less than a jumbo marker pen…
Never mind a frikkin pencil.
And if that isn’t bad enough
Nothing tells you to reassess your current  jug support than being  amidst a spontaneous mid-afternoon sofa bonk, trapped in a karma sutra-eque position  whilst getting repeatedly bitch slapped in the face by your own boob…
True Story.
So that was it… New bra day
Yayyy!!!
Honkers
Tattas
Knockers (my 7 year old’s pseudonym of choice)
Whatever you call them..
Get them babies strapped down with a good sports bra when you’re training…
SERIOUSLY.
The amount of people I see in the gym with zero breasticle support is astounding (great word) and arguably the most vital piece of equipment for us chicks…
Yet AMAZINGLY, three quarters of women in the UK wear the wrong sized Sports Bra.
Picture this, you’re going for Gold on the treadmill with your ill fitting sports bra, tiddeez flying everywhere…
believe me,  this really is less Pammy  Bay Watch and more Mummy Urangatang.
And if that visual  ain’t bad enough,  sweet cheeks…
Upon running or jumping around, the  jubblies of an average woman move up and down by a whopping 8.5cm
But all ain’t lost, my friend, this can be reduced by 52% when wearing a good fitting sports bra.
On another note, you let your  Mitchell Brothers loose to roam free as they please and you can GUARENTEE that they’ll end up as BFF’s to your belly button…
Like a pair of deflated balloons…
See, ones hooters are made up of fatty tissues and non elastic ‘Cooper’s ligaments’ that once stretched, ain’t  goin’ back Sista…
You can say hello to every woman’s worst nightmare
 …Spaniel’s Ears.
Dum dum duuuuum.
Now, I’ve had an abundance of Sports Bras  …
These days, I  pretty much live in the damn things and I’ve probably had every single brand going…
Shock Absorber being my favourite until I got my hands on the one I got recently.
Honestly it’s like the Holy Grail of Sports Bras
A black number  by Panache and I don’t think I’ll ever go back to another brand again.
Now, if you’re already reaching for the iPad at the realisation that you very well may soon fall victim to empty sand bags,  I’d highly highly recommend getting measured professionally, not just reaching for the size you THINK you might possibly be.
Now I knew my boobs we fuller but wouldn’t have ever guessed to pick up a 32FF bra (YIKES) …
I’d have probably just reached for the next back size up or something’s if I hadn’t got professionally measured.
The shop I go to is a great little shop in Bury called ‘Perfect Fit’ where they have an array (another great word- she’s on a roll) of bras that they try on you and fit you down to a tee.
Might be a treck if you’re not too local (Takes me about 40mins to get there)  but soooo worth going over even if just to get measured.
(FYI just so Ya know, I get no endorsement to promote this place what so ever but do just highly recommend the shop as this service is REALLY hard to come by.Ill post a link to their website in the ps)
So there you have it, protect your posture, save yourself shoulder problems, back pain, boob pain and the dreaded aforementioned saggy boobies and INVEST in a good sports bra.
A good one, will set you back 30 to 40 quid, don’t be a cheapskate people.
OR look at it like this…
Prevent the belly warmers with a 40 quid sports bra and save yourself a 6,000  surgical uplift.
Speaking of investments….
 Doors are now open to my Intensive 60 Day SOS programme until the end of the month only… then the doors close until further notice, prolly till January.
Investment minded, committed women, who are ready to take the plunge and aren’t offended by multiple boob pseudonyms 😉 need only apply here:
www.toohottie.co.uk/soslp
Ps… No whingers, whiners or moaners allowed either so if that’s you don’t bother clickin’
Pps…  Here’s the link to Perfect Fit in Bury >>

Abs & Askholes

abs
So, if you saw my post on my facebook page recently, you’ll know I’ve just recovered from what I call post Xmas abs..
Or lack of, to be more precise.
See it’s now the end of Feb and I’m STILL speaking to women who are asking how to get rid of the Xmas spare tyre and believe me there’s ONE single secret to a toned tummy and jaw dropping waist line …
Just ONE Princess
And I’m gunna reveal it soon.
I can GUARANTEE its not what you think.
**************
But first…
We all know that person who will continually ask for advice followed by doing the complete polar opposite.
This person is an ASKHOLE!
I’m dealing with one at the moment in the form of a friend who’s recently been dumped.
And in all my good friend glory, I’ve given her the ‘You are so much better than that and he’s ugly and tubby and he smells’  speech.
 I’ve never met the guy…
But its an unwritten girl rule that any man who hurts your friend is a douchebag… A f’ugly, tubby, stupid douche.. Who smells.
FACT
And to be quite honest this guy really does sound like a peeeeeeeeg (that’s French for pig)
A big stupid man pig!
Now, I’ve been there and bought multiple t-shirts I know how this shizzle goes down…
Now, my friend and the man pig are at the ‘I’ve told you I don’t want to be with you but I’m gunna text you and give you weird signals just to make sure you’re still there until I make my mind up… But in the meantime I’m gunna do what ever the f*ck I want ” stage of the breakup.
And did I mention she recently caught him asking a bitch he works with to send him naked pics on snapchat …
WHILST THEY WERE TOGETHER!
***gasps***
And ya know what his defence was?
…you’ll love this one…
‘It’s just banter’
OH NO HE DIDN’T!!!!
He did..
Now ya know this banter thing?! I think I’m doin’ it wrong,  cause I can’t say I’ve ever gotten naked on snapchat for banter.
 Maybe just me?
And it gets better…
He re-added this potentially naked b*tch to snapchat as soon as they split up, who is now …
Cover your eyes people….
Top of his snapchat best friends list .. Dum dum duuuuuum!!
But of course there’s ‘nothing going on’ (famous last words, right!?)
 … Nothing at all…
 Apart from all kindsa harmless naked snapchat banter!
See..  He is what the French would call ‘les dick head’
Anyway, So this is our current state of ASK HOLE conversation

Monday:

“His head’s a mess and won’t talk to me or reply until he’s ‘ready’ ”
 **Bless … my heart literally bled  for the poor guy…
I think you’ll find he is too busy on snapchat, love**
“Don’t text him, don’t ring him and delete him off all social media”

Tuesday:

“So I just text him to see if he was ready to talk and he said no… what should I do?”
“Don’t wait around for the douchetard.  Don’t text him, don’t talk to him and don’t torture yourself looking at his snapchat … Delete delete delete!”
“But I want him to see how hot I look when we go out”
*standard procedure*
“Mmmm … Well just don’t look at HIS snapchat then”
“Ok I won’t.. I definitely won’t”

Thursday:

“… The whore from work is still on his snapchat…”
*Whorey home wrecker *
“Mate, I thought we weren’t looking?”
“I know… That’s it now… No more looking”

Friday:

“So I just text him to see….”
B*TCH put down the phone!!!
Why do we do this?
WHY?
I was reading something on a blog a while ago called ‘Cupcakes and Cocktales’
… Yep
… Cock
 … Tales

Anyhoo, there was a simple line that read “If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit”

… And guess what

…The stupid mofo doesn’t!
But we know this. So why does it take so long to see the wood for the trees ..
Or the trees for the wood…
Whatever the fuck it is…
We don’t see it… u
Until we are out of the trees and the wood and and kind of greenery what so ever…
Sat wondeing if we were blind and deaf for the whole relationship…
Like some weird outer body experience.

Mate, does ANYONE really want to be in a relationship with a guy who likes looking at his colleague’s pink canoe for banter?

…. No
…. Is my friend gunna listen to me about this stupid, smelly, f’ugly  vagina voyeur?

….Nope

Ya know how I know this?
Because she’s an Askhole
And I’m surrounded by ‘em. Usually in the form of…
“So I’ve been doing 509764 crunches  and sit-ups every morning followed by the ‘crank ya plank’ challenge given to me by this PT at my local gym, ya might know her actually, mid 50s, blonde hair … matching Lycra … Bit of a camel toe”
 (Ya see where I’m goin’ with this)
“and I still can’t shift this belly and I want abs by my holiday… Which, by the way, is in 4 days”
(Ever rolled your eyes so hard you’ve seen your own brain?)
See there is ONE simple thing you need to know about abs…
…..ONE…
Just one…
You are not going to see them babies if your body fat is covering them.

END. OF

FINITO.

You can train them ALL DAY EVERY DAY but if you’re not shredding your body fat down in the process then there’s abs-olutely (see what I did there) no hope what so ever I’m afraid, Hun.

Now,  3 things you need to know to get them babies out and ready for bikini season, which will be here before ya can say ‘muffin top’

• You can’t spot reduce body fat. It’s a no brainer. Just because you are doing 50,000 crunches and slaughtering ‘core’ and ab work doesn’t mean that you’re going to become more toned, defined, slimmer in that particular area if your body fat is over a certain percentage, it’s still too high to show the definition you’re working hard for. It’s absolutely essential that you’re doing the right kind of training- there’s a reason you’re slaughtering yourself for hours at the gym but you’re still no where near where you want to be. Maybe you WERE on a roll but you’ve stopped seeing improvements!? There’s a reason, my friend, you’re training wrong.
• You don’t have to train abs . Yep, ya heard me. You DON’T. Ya know when I train abs? Never. Unless I’m sore everywhere else and still want to go to the gym. Lifting heavy compound movements activates your abs and core a massive amount more than something like crunches or oblique twists which tend to predominantly reach the superficial (top layer) of muscle. Try adding heavy squats and deadlifts to your training. Make sure you’re training smart.
• Abs are made in the kitchen. Full Stop. You may think your diet’s ‘healthy’ Princess but if you’re not eating the right kind and right quantity of foods, you’re body composition, regardless of how much work you put in at the gym, is gunna be shite. Your macros (the amounts of protein carbs and fats) you eat are a HUGE factor in the way your body looks, the way your body systems work and utilise what your putting in to it to build muscle and therefore sexy athletic curves. Get your diet plan looked at- what’s the point throwing shit at a wall and hoping some of it sticks when you can have all the confusion taken out of doing it yourself and have something to follow, stress free!? Again, it’s a no brainer.

Ya know how I know this?

Because I used to be abs-essed with having a ‘toned tummy’ from being about 17 … and at the time not knowing what the hell I was doing started doing a million crunches and eating packets of whafer thin ham to get my protein in (makes me want to face-palm even now)

Yep I was clueless… and obviously, after smashing my abs to bits with two pairs of ankle weights on my legs every single day, my abs were no where more to be seen.

… But I’ll tell you about that another time, quite a funny story involving Britney Spears and a snake.
Anywayyyy…
Now, in most instances you have got to be less than 20% body fat to have any kind of definition.
The most accurate way to determine your current body fat percentage is to have your body fat percentage tested with skin fold callipers. Which takes an average of different sites from around your body. Weight on scales doesn’t account for what your body actually looks like.
Which is exactly what I do during a consultation. If this sounds like what you need to get’cha started you can check out the info here
See, bikini season is gunna be on it’s way before you know it and I can GUARANTEE that the ask holes will be out in force with the same ol’…
‘I’ve been doing crunches everyday why do I not have a six pack?’
… take on board what I’ve told ya and implement it, write that shizzle down my friend, stick it on your wall, do what the hell you like with it.
 But don’t be an ask hole.

Love Char ‘More Cocktales Coming Soon’ De Curtis xx

Ps, if you’re one of my current clients, in my Sistahood group, our  tele class this month is gunna be ‘abs’ related so feel free to drop me any questions and I’ll answer them on the live class.